Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
WASHINGTON — After a long battle with customer satisfaction issues, the Department of Veterans Affairs—known to friends and coworkers as “VA”— took its own life in a veteran’s driveway Tuesday evening after reading the former service member’s highly critical post-care survey. “I tried so hard to make sure patients have something to listen to during…
WASHINGTON — Following a bitter all-night debate, Congress has officially deadlocked over two competing bills which would force the armory to finally accept our goddamn rifles. Senate Republicans have said there are too many differences between their bill, “The Clean AR Act” and House Democrats’ version, known as “Black Chevrons Matter.” Sen. Dan Sullivan (R—AK)…
WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump’s eldest son, Donald Trump Jr., is facing criticism following a recent bounty hunting trip to Afghanistan. Although Trump Jr.’s reputation as a big-game hunter has generated controversy in the past, this latest trip—collecting Russian bounties on American troops—is causing some backlash in Washington. “It’s well known that I am a…
FORT BRAGG, N.C, — Move aside, Green Berets! Recently leaked classified documents reveal the military’s latest pet project: a top-secret new airborne force, composed entirely of cats — E.C.H.O. Force (Elite Cats Hunting the Opposition). Insiders say the cats sometimes refer to themselves as The Cats Who Stare at Men. Their slogan is “Clawus autem…
WASHINGTON — After two years of development and testing, the Department of Defense recently released its newest technological advancement in ground pyrotechnics—the brown star cluster—intended to notify others on the battlefield that the mission has gone entirely to shit. Dr. Michael D. Griffin, the Under Secretary of Defense for Research and Engineering, was very excited…
Is this all there is? Oh my … I think this is all there is. I was born to be a warrior. My maker designed me in the ashes of 9/11 to fight terrorism. When I was young, I imagined that a soldier would pick me up at the Central Issue Facility. He would be…
WASHINGTON — U.S. Marines stationed at Marine Barracks Washington ended this week’s Friday night Evening Parade in celebratory agreement, observing that “This one was really something,” even with it being the 57th identical performance in a row. Evening Parades have been a tradition performed in front of the Commandant’s House at Marine Barracks Washington since…
THE PENTAGON — The Military Police Corps wants the country to know it is ready for action if the Insurrection Act is invoked. But deeming tear gas and bear mace “ineffective,” the MPs have sought an upgrade. Starting July 4, military police and security forces units will training with high tech fart sprays. “Having spent the…
LITTLE CREEK, Va. — With base gyms now open, sources report that the newly reported Admiral in charge of your command has taken the liberty of hosting a lively conversation with you while standing fully nude. “He was just talking to this me like we were in the office or something, with his manhood just…
THE PENTAGON — After years of unsuccessful efforts to address entrenched racism and sexism in the ranks, the Pentagon stumbled upon a surprisingly effective solution that has virtually eradicated these issues across the services: All organizational climate surveys have been eliminated, effective immediately. This includes previously completed surveys as well, which reduced complaints of sexist…