Hangin' on Posco Pier!
THE PENTAGON — The Army may have a new physical fitness test, but the Navy has countered with a new Combat Fatness Test. All chief petty officers and above are going to be required to take the test in front of crowds of lower-ranking personnel in public forums. Master Chief Petty Officer of the Navy…
The commander of a military dining facility at Bagram Airbase was fired this week due to a “loss of condiments” within his command, according to a Resolute Support Mission press release. Col. Sonny “Saucy” Soucy’s relief comes amid a string of high profile firings within the Department of Defense in recent months, although officials with…
WASHINGTON — The Department of Veteran Affairs will now guarantee a loan to help service members leave their spouses, Secretary Robert Wilkie confirmed today. The loan looks to provide financial stability to finally get out of the black hole of despair that is your marriage. The loan will provide an initial $1,000 for divorce fees,…
WASHINGTON — The tenth Secretary of Veterans Affairs, The Honorable Robert Wilkie, is proud to announce his agency finally has mailed Navy veteran Kirk Douglas his disability rating decision. The Veterans Affairs Headquarters was excited to also tell Kirk Douglas that the disability rating means he will begin receiving compensation for the injuries he sustained…
FORT MEADE, Md. — Army Sgt. Ryan Mayers is reported to be the best cyber operative in the entire Department of Defense. He has personally hacked into the mainframes of Russia, China, and numerous terrorist groups. That’s why he was incredibly excited last month when he was pulled away from leading an elite network warfare…
WASHINGTON – The U.S. Army has announced its newest line of 2020 chest candy. Secretary of the Army Ryan McCarthy revealed that the significant expansion of the badge inventory is an attempt to boost recruiting with Gen Z. “Science shows that the only way to reach these little weirdos is to generate an unjustified feeling…
QUANTICO, Va. — Lance Cpl. Will Smithers will be removed from the Marine Corps early following his reckless behavior while in uniform, sources report. Smithers was driving home after a long guard shift when he spotted a vehicle on the side of the road. In those next moments, Smithers made careless decisions, forever damaging the…
FORT BRAGG, N.C. – Military police special-response teams raided a barracks complex last night on Gruber Road, arresting dozens of soldiers and shutting down an unlicensed dentistry ring that police say caused implausible levels of readiness over several months, sources confirmed today. “We take readiness and medical credentialing very seriously here on [Fort] Bragg,” said…
FORT EUSTIS, Va. — Gen. Paul E. Funk II, the commanding general of Army Training and Doctrine Command, wants TRADOC to join him in Funky Town. “I like to think of my command as the P-Funk All Stars, bringing the ’70s and the rest of the Cold War back,” Funk said during a recent interview….
TRIPLER ARMY MEDICAL CENTER, Hawaii — With cases of the heavily hyped coronavirus rising, military medical practitioners are preparing to combat the illness with the same expert care they applied to fighting malaria with mefloquine. According to Maj. Gordon Estrada of Tripler Army Medical Center, “Preventing the spread of coronavirus requires a coordinated response from…