Hangin' on Posco Pier!
FORT BENNING, Ga. — Capt. Lynnette Diogo made history this week when she became the Army’s first ever female PowerPoint Ranger. Diogo, a West Point graduate, is currently the Assistant S-3 for the 2-29th Infantry Battalion. Diogo managed to endure grueling hours and late nights crafting hundreds of PowerPoint slides for commanders’ update briefs, yearly…
PYONGYANG, North Korea — Multiple sources have reported that the North Korean government abruptly ordered “all nonessential military personnel” to starve from home for the foreseeable future in light of mounting concerns surrounding the COVID-19 pandemic. “By the decree of our beloved Supreme Leader, all personnel who are not mission critical to keep the ravenous…
FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — The E-4 Mafia announced today they have designated sergeants major, command sergeants major, and first sergeants as nonessential personnel for the remainder of the COVID-19 pandemic. The senior noncommissioned officers will be mandated to telework from home effective immediately. Master sergeants — deemed relatively harmless by the E-4 Mafia — may…
FRANKFORT, Ky. — Daryl Hoffman Jr. felt pride as he kept the “faith of his fathers” by becoming the fourth generation in his family to almost join a branch of the U.S. military. “It was an emotional experience, standing there outside the recruiter’s office for a full ten minutes,” said Hoffman. “Imagining the sacrifices I…
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — A local Marine sergeant major was torn today over whether he should solve the global COVID-19 pandemic with uniform inspections or haircuts, sources report. “On the one hand, making the entire unit stand at attention in close quarters in their dress uniforms for hours on end will send a signal to…
PETERSON AFB, Colo. — The faculty of the newly founded Space War College is finding it difficult to slip the surly bonds of Earthly doctrine. For generations, senior service colleges have relied on writings from Carl von Clausewitz, a 19th century Prussian general, and other great commanders such as Jomini, Sun Tzu and George Armstrong…
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Concerns over the COVID-19 pandemic have derailed Deep State plans to use Army special operations forces to invade the southwestern region of the United States to implement mass gun seizures, open FEMA detention camps, and enact martial law. “It’s unfortunate, but even when implementing the wholesale suspension of civil and human…
The following regards the involvement of Lieutenant General Laura Richardson, a dual-military spouse, in her husband’s Family Readiness Group. The point is presented by Lt. Gen. Richardson’s spokesperson. The rebuttal is offered by Mrs. Karen Webster, a spouse in the FRG of Mr. Richardson’s Army Futures Command. POINT: Lt. Gen. Richardson should do her job….
THE PENTAGON — Responding to increasing pressure from Congress and veterans organizations regarding the potential negative health effects of burn pits, the Pentagon today finally promised concrete action. “We’re going to upgrade any current or future burn pits and turn them into awesome ball pits,” said Assistant to the Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs…
WASHINGTON — Everyone’s favorite MRE will no longer be available a Pentagon spokesperson admitted in a press conference yesterday. There have been no incidents with the bat tartare entree, according to the DoD, but officials are concerned that everyone, except maybe the Marines, will now be repulsed by the option. The Defense Department made the move…