Pentagon establishes Task Force of Task Forces to address need for Task Forces
THE PENTAGON – In a groundbreaking move to streamline inefficiency, the Department of Defense has announced the creation of the Task Force of Task Forces (TFTF), a specialized unit built entirely of task forces dedicated solely to establishing additional task forces.
“We realized that every issue, no matter how small, was being assigned its own task force,” said Brig. Gen. Douglas Bureaucracy, the officer tapped to lead the TFTF. “So, naturally, we formed a task force to determine whether we had too many task forces. Their conclusion? We needed another task force.”
The TFTF is expected to conduct a full-scale review of all existing task forces, including:
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Task Force Readiness, which studies why soldiers still can’t get issued cold-weather gear before winter.
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Task Force Innovation, which has spent three years deciding on a new PowerPoint template.
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Task Force Morale, which recently disbanded due to low morale.
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Task Force Tasking, which assigns extra duties to units that already have a task force.
Despite its noble intentions, critics are already raising concerns.
“This is just another example of Task Force Creep,” said Sgt. Turnbull, a staff NCO trapped in the basement of the Pentagon. “We used to just fix problems. Now we have to hold three meetings, write a white paper, and brief a colonel before we’re even allowed to acknowledge a problem exists because we first have to brief a lieutenant colonel, and before that a major, and before that a chief warrant officer and we can never find any of those. It’s insanity!”
To ensure maximum efficiency, the TFTF will be subdivided into Joint Task Force Task Forces, Operational Task Forces, and a Special Task Force on Streamlining Task Forces, which will spend the next fiscal year researching how to reduce redundancy in the system.
However, early reports indicate the TFTF may already be encountering logistical issues.
“We sent out a meeting invite to all the existing task force chairs, and it completely crashed our email servers,” said Maj. Karen Forms, TFTF’s administrative officer. “At this point, we may need to establish a Crisis Task Force to assess the situation.”
A final report from the TFTF is expected by 2032, assuming additional task forces don’t need to be formed to review it first.
As For Class is a boy named Sue, named Ashley. When he isn’t writing for Duffel Blog he also writes fiction.
