Ukraine War funding reduced to single CFC donation code
WASHINGTON — Citing a host of international and domestic priorities and a busy election season, Congress has redirected American aid for Ukraine to a single Combined Federal Campaign donation line, sources confirmed today.
“CFC EIN #782898, LUV4Ukraine, is now open to all military service members and federal employees seeking to support our Ukrainian allies in their enduring fight to take back their sovereign nation against the unprovoked Russian invasion,” said Kate Riggins, a House Armed Services Committee spokesperson.
“This is an exciting opportunity to continue our unwavering support for our NATO allies while safeguarding American tax dollars. Slava Ukraini, and Give Happy!”
CFC sources report that even as little as $5 a paycheck can make a big difference in giving Ukrainians the additional 150,000 troops they need to gain a 3 to 1 attack ratio to punch through Russian lines on an increasingly truncated front. But sources at the smoke pit fear the shift in funding could mean fewer deployments to Germany and loss of a related lifelong preference for Lowenbrau and stories about that one time they ran into a bunch of Polish infantrymen at the beer garden.
Ethan Loewy, an Eastern European Security Intelligence Research Analysis Commentator at the Institute for Military Assistance, pointed out that the pivot to CFC funding had as much to do with global politics as the tax benefits to the donor.
“The current Israeli military actions in Gaza have the fast pace and bystander casualties of a Michael Bay movie, while the stalwart Ukrainians have frankly been a bit dull lately,” Loewy said. “At this rate, I wouldn’t fund the Estonian sequel, either.”
At the local level, the change has been lauded. Soldiers at the 393rd Air Defense Artillery Battalion were excited to see the regular old CFC unit donation thermometer graphic turn into the shape of a HIMARS system. And, at the Fort Bliss Enlisted Spouses club, the group unanimously voted that their husbands’ paychecks were already committed to an upcoming trip to Disney, but sent the Ukrainian troops a generous in-kind donation of essential oils, see-through leggings, soy candles, and sex toys.
Military personnel interested in donating can find LUV4Ukraine in the CFC guide between Pretti Kitties Cat Costume Museum and Citrus County Python Hugz & Veteran’s Venomous Snake Therapy. While the usual donation period won’t start until September, those starting their regular deductions now can expect to see their donations contribute towards the 4,800 anti-aircraft shells the Ukrainians are currently using annually to protect their schools and hospitals by spring 2025.
Blondes Over Baghdad lets someone else take the top block because it’s the selfless service thing to do. She’ll go to ranger school when there’s a 3-beer policy. Follow her on Twitter at @BlondsOvrBaghd.
