Army debuts AI-powered NCOs to help with manpower crisis
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Army will begin using artificial intelligence-powered non-commissioned officers to help with an ongoing manpower and recruiting crisis, the Army’s top leader announced today.
“Most soldiers communicate with their NCOs these days through text,” said Chief of Staff Gen. Randy George. “So why not give them a digital NCO they can get immediate answers to 24/7?”
Initial results show that the AI-generated messages are remarkably similar to what soldiers are familiar with. With extensive machine learning training, most robot NCOs have already mastered sharing useful feedback with subordinates along with the appropriate levels of annoyance, hatred, and dip spit. “Now leave requests and sick call notifications can be declined without delay,” Gen. George said.
“This is great,” Command Sgt. Maj Alex Niculescu told reporters. “No more sergeants distracted by frivolous things with their soldiers like caring for their health and establishing emotional connections.”
Niculescu added: “No more blind leading the blind, you think that bowling ball-looking 24-year-old sergeant has the right answer on fitness? Let’s get an actual source of knowledge to figure that out.”
Many soldiers are praising the AI NCO Corps. Spc. Derek Hentkowski, for example, echoed the efficiencies of his AI-generated first-line leader.
“The ease of immediately being able to have an answer from my NCO at any time has greatly improved my quality of life as a soldier,” Hentkowski said. “My previous NCO was already devoid of care or emotion and I was hoping the AI would have more compassion.”
“It didn’t,” Hentkowski said, “But at least I got a ‘no’ answer back right away on whether I could visit friends who were a little outside of liberty boundaries.”
When asked by Duffel Blog reporters if they enjoyed their job leading soldiers, one AI NCO gave an impressive and better answer than what most human NCOs can muster.
“A lot of these guys are jacked up more than anything I’ve ever seen,” the AI said. “But in the end, watching soldiers grow, improve, and succeed under my leadership is immensely rewarding.”
Army leaders say they have found this technological leap to be a substantial cost-cutting measure. In fact, manpower savings have allowed for increased quality of life improvements for the sentient part of the workforce.
“We are expanding our to-go DFAC options for our soldiers in the barracks and also rapidly expanding our training rotations with the intent to triple the amount of NTC and JRTC rotations beginning immediately,” George said proudly.
