Air Force celebrates Pride Month with rainbow-colored munitions
THE PENTAGON — As the U.S. military observes Pride Month and celebrates the contributions of LGBTQ service members to America’s security, the Air Force is showcasing its commitment to inclusivity with Pride-themed munitions for use in conflicts around the world, sources confirmed today.
“The other services have been emphasizing their work creating an inclusive environment internally, within their own ranks,” said Frank Kendall III, Secretary of the Air Force. “And that is important. But the U.S. Air Force also wants to create an inclusive environment for those we have to blow up, regardless of sexual preferences.”
Data quantifying the amount of discrimination against LGBTQ enemies is difficult to come by, according to Air Force intelligence analysts. That’s in large part because most of America’s enemies tend to preemptively discriminate and/or murder them before arrival on a battlefield. Still, Air Force leaders are signaling that the U.S. will not contribute to a toxic prejudicial environment while blowing enemies to bits.
The service’s festive, rainbow ordnance will range from 500 to 2000 pounds, with each bomb having the words “love is love” painted on them to help safeguard against unintentional bias.
“We don’t care what your sexual preference is, or how you identify gender-wise,” said Gen. Kenneth S. Wilsbach, Commander of Air Combat Command. “We’ll kill you stone dead, with all the dignity and respect due to any human on the business end of a MK-84.”
“Our goal is to create as inclusive of a battlefield as possible,” he added.
In addition to the Pride-themed munitions, Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. David W. Allen has asked Air Force leaders to review all target lists to ensure LGTBQ targets are fairly represented.
“We’re sending a signal to the world that regardless of whether you’re a straight or homosexual or transgender terrorist or enemy of the United States, we’ll drop a bomb on your head with pinpoint accuracy and no judgment.”
W.E. Linde (aka Major Crunch) writes a lot. Former military intelligence officer, amateur historian, writer/podcaster for Blowout in Damper Three.
