Drone videos include unskippable 15-second ads
By BYOBooyah
BARSTOW, Texas — The atmosphere in the TOC—tactical operations center—is tense. Troops are in contact, pinned down by an enemy firing from cover. The radios are chaos as a platoon leader on the scene tries to provide a situation report without knowing how many enemy troops are attacking or from where. The TOC informs him a drone has been rerouted to the beleaguered friendlies and is coming online now. Everyone holds their breath as a large screen in the TOC switches over to the done feed. The platoon leader leans into his hand mic and hears over the sound of gunfire, “Whopper, whopper, whopper, whopper …”
Such is the scene that played out at the US Army’s National Training Center (NTC) last week as troops got their first introduction to unskippable 15 second ads now embedded in all US drone footage. While the scenario (and the bullets) may have been pretend, the ads are about to become a reality across the military.
The program is codenamed Operation Ad-Suck. When drone software is updated, all drone overwatch feeds will include one unskippable 15-second ad that will play automatically when the drone arrives on station and two, back to back 15 second ads any time troops are in contact.
“It feels like a big change now, but troops are resilient and they’ll adapt,” stated Neal Mohan the CEO of YouTube Ad Manager, which will be providing the ads. “We’re also considering a feature that allows skipping some ads by taking a survey in the case of a MEDEVAC.”
A YouTube press release also highlights that the ads will provide relevant messaging to troops by leveraging a proprietary algorithm that delivers ads based on conversations in the TOC. In Beta testing, most ads generated were for porn or penis-adjacent paraphernalia including “male enhancement” supplements. However, officials believe a recent software patch should help fix that.
“I know it’s annoying, but without the Global War on Terror, it’s important to supplement the smaller defense budget,” Secretary of Defence Lloyd Austin says. “And companies from Lockheen Martin to Navy Federal Credit Union are excited to reach our troops more directly.”
Critics point out that the 2023 defense budget is $69.3B higher than 2022 and that none of the advertising revenue generated by the ads will go back into troop-focused programs.
“I need real time intel, not fucking Gronk talking about USAA,” Lt. Col. Dave Ryan, an Aviation Battalion Commander, says. “Also, why is Gronk talking about USAA? Who is that for?”
In response to criticism by service members across the force, DoD has modified the Ad-Suck rollout. Specifically, forward-deployed troops will now only see Armed Forces Network–approved ads mainly centered around the dangers of smokeless tobacco.
Meanwhile at NTC, the ads and the mission are now both complete. The troops have been ordered to resume their simulated patrol. Staff in the TOC are humming the Burger King jingle and the drone leaves the area after announcing, “Corona 22, departing to the West. Like and subscribe for more content like this, and be sure to leave a review down in the comments.”