Court takes everything from guy with ‘Molon Labe’ tattoo
JACKSONVILLE, N.C. — After years in and out of court during a difficult divorce settlement, the State of North Carolina has taken everything from a guy with the words “molon labe” tattooed across his back.
“They came and they took it all,” said former Marine Corps Staff Sgt. Jeff Fowler as tears streamed down his face. “My guns, my house, my money, my kids, my dignity. Everything I hold dear in this world, they came and they took it.”
The words molon labe, translated roughly as “come and take them,” purportedly were uttered by the Spartan king Leonidas to the invading Persian king Xerxes as a sign of defiance. Fowler had the words tattooed across his back in the hopes that they would keep at bay all enemies who dared tell him to surrender his property and weapons.
But the tattoo proved useless against his wife’s determined divorce lawyer and the North Carolina court system.
“Not only did they come and take everything, but now I have to pay alimony and child support, too,” Fowler said. “My limited knowledge of Classical Greek history did nothing to prepare me for this.”
He added: “I even wore my olive drab ‘Death Before Dishonor’ t-shirt to court, but somehow I still left feeling greatly dishonored, and I’m not dead yet.”
The tattoo artist who did Fowler’s ink says his case is far too common among veterans and military personnel, and especially among guys who “almost joined.”
“These guys come in here thinking a ‘MOLON LABE’ tattoo will prevent people from taking their guns, or that a ‘0311’ tattoo makes them something other than a malingering brokedick POG,” tattoo artist Cliff Ramirez said. “I try to tell them, the only tattoo that actually works like that is when you get ‘RECON’ tattooed across your chest before you’ve even gotten a school seat at [Basic Reconnaissance Course].”
At press time, the court forced Fowler’s wife to remarry him after realizing she still had a base decal and a “Marine Wife” bumper sticker on her vehicle.
Cat Astronaut is a demobilized mobile infantryman who spends his free time deadlifting in silkies. You can read more of his writing by subscribing to his medieval and fantasy Substack Ye Olde Tyme News.