Marine Reserve celebrates 75 years of ‘Toys for Thots’
QUANTICO, Va. — Festive crowds gathered at Headquarters Marine Corps on Friday to celebrate 75 years of the service’s beloved Toys for Thots program, an annual event in which Marines gather toys for prostitutes, barracks rats, fuck bois, and TRICARE chasers to celebrate the holiday season.
“Toys for Thots represents the best of the United States Marine Corps Reserve,” said Sgt. Maj. Carlos Riveria, the top enlisted leader. “Every year when the Marines arrive in their dress blues with big boxes of toys at Paper Moon and all the little thots run out to greet them, I’m hard with the spirit of Christmas.”
Riveria noted that glitter was approved with the wear of the uniform during Toys for Thots drives, and those participating were eligible to be awarded the Thots National Award (TnA) for their service.
For those unable to make it to a Toys for Thots collection box, Riveria emphasized that cash donations are always welcome in the form of $1 bills.
This year’s Toys for Thots campaign used the slogan “Fill the Box” and emphasized peppermint lubricants, candy cane dildos, and other festive treats to load boxes across the country. Officials say that for every new and unwrapped buttplug donated, the attending Marine will down a shot of Titos on an ice luge.
Started in 1947, the genesis of Toys for Thots began after Marine Corps Reserve Maj. Lexington Steele’s poly wife, SaFire LaTitts, asked him to deliver homemade violet wands to thots in need. Steele went one step further. In his civilian job, Steele was a public relations officer for Vivid Entertainment. He combined the talents of his coworkers at Vivid with the manpower at the Marine Corps, and the rest is history.
Maj. Steele reached out to his friend, Walt Disney, to create the perfect logo. After many rounds of eggnog to encourage inspiration, Steele fell asleep on the couch. He knew he’d found the perfect logo when he woke to a dick drawn on his face.
Marines often comment that Toys for Thots drives are their favorite part of the year.
“Oh yeah…wearing an uncomfortable uniform, being away from my family during important holiday gatherings, all to collect some damp 70s porn from a VFW basement? ‘Tis the season!”
“Toys for Thots has made such a difference for my (multiple) families and me,” said Gunnery Sgt. Larry Flint. “Now I can afford to get all the special ladies in my life something.”
“…and maybe meet some new ladies,” he added.
Blondes Over Baghdad lets someone else take the top block because it’s the selfless service thing to do. She’ll go to ranger school when there’s a 3-beer policy. Follow her on Twitter at @BlondsOvrBaghd
Carl contributed to this story.
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