Marine Corps to start using computers
By As for Class
WASHINGTON — The Marine Corps is modernizing and plans to start using computers by the year 2030, a Corps official said today.
“We were excited to put in the research and roll up our sleeves,” said Lt. Col. Burgermeister, a spokesman for Headquarters Marine Corps. “It turns out, Marines don’t like two things: being treated like garbage when they’re boots, having their families drink cancer water we’ve known about for decades, and they are not fans of Army hand-me-downs. We can’t do anything about that first thing, but we sure as heck can get rid of these M-16s and maybe upgrade some of our 1980s systems.”
When informed that he listed three things, Lt. Col. Burgermeister throat-punched the Duffel Blog correspondent.
Still, the announcement came after a series of other breathtaking changes the Marines have been championing. In many ways, the Corps is making greater strides in this new era of competition than its fellow services.
The Air Force, for example, refuses to recognize any history that doesn’t involve aviation. The Army is currently figuring out how to wipe the dust off of its old AirLand Battle doctrine. And the Coast Guard is projected to update its fleet in the next 20 years — definitely in time for the next conflict.
The Marines have been making solid moves. At least, more solid than whatever it is the Space Force is doing, Pentagon officials said.