Coast Guard saves shark from crazy, delusional police chief
By Slab Squatthrust
AMITY ISLAND — The U.S. Coast Guard has released dramatic footage of a shark being rescued after being attacked by a crazed and mentally disturbed off-duty police chief.
The footage taken onboard a Coast Guard cutter showed a defenseless shark swimming near the bay when a dusty old vessel called the Orca rolled up on the animal and shot it with a harpoon with a barrel attached to it, which, officials noted, was a gross violation of the Marine Mammal Protection Act that could lead to civil penalties up to $11,000 and up to 1 year in prison.
“As soon as we heard about this situation, we knew we would need a vessel larger than the one we had,” Mark Hess, command duty officer at U.S. Coast Guard District One in Boston, said while pulling up his belt and giving a stern look to reporters during a Monday press conference.