Walter Reed praises insider threat training as 98% effective
By Yossarian
BETHESDA, Md. — Walter Reed National Military Medical Center officials are praising their insider threat training program as “98% effective” following the indictment of Maj. Jamie Lee Henry for allegedly providing Russia with sensitive military medical information, sources confirmed today.
“We take our responsibility to train physicians to become loyal military officers very seriously,” said Navy Capt. Felix A. Bigby, interim commander of Walter Reed. “People want to focus on a couple bad apples, but we’ve trained literally dozens of military physicians who haven’t gone on to become traitors.”
All trainees must attend insider threat training as part of their DoD-mandated training requirements. And data provided by Walter Reed administrators show that most trainees who attend this training do indeed go on to successfully not engage in espionage or become active shooters on a military installation, officials said.
“We’re batting a solid .980 in this department,” says Bigby. “If this was Major League Baseball, Walter Reed would be the goddamned GOAT.”
Henry, a 2010 graduate of Walter Reed’s internal medicine residency training program and a current physician at Fort Bragg, and his wife (an anesthesiologist at Johns Hopkins) are accused of attempting to provide protected medical information of U.S. service members, along with information about U.S. military field hospitals, to an undercover FBI agent believed by Maj. Henry to be a Russian government official.
Henry is not the first Walter Reed training graduate to make national headlines. Maj. Nidal Hasan, a 2007 graduate of Walter Reed’s psychiatry residency program, is currently awaiting the death penalty for murdering 13 people in an active shooter incident at Fort Hood.
But Walter Reed trainees tend to turn against their government and commit felonies after they’ve already left Walter Reed, according to Bigby, implying other military installations should examine the effectiveness of their own insider threat training.
“Look, it’s not even fair to link this last one to us,” said a perturbed Bigby. “Maj. Henry long ago transitioned from Walter Reed to Fort Bragg and currently identifies as a Fort Bragg doctor.”
“And Nidal Hasan identifies as a Fort Hood doctor, and also as an asshole.”
Despite defending the quality of its training programs, Bigby did resolve to examine if the insider threat training provided by Walter Reed could be improved upon, suggesting perhaps a couple more slides could be added to the PowerPoint training deck.
Staff at Walter Reed are also considering if the Legitimate Grievances Against the United States Government training seminar should be scrapped.
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