Family arrested over West Point cheating incident

By Slab Squatthrust

WEST POINT, N.Y.—A family of four has been arrested by military police for an alleged “license plate game” cheating scandal in the commissary parking lot at the United States Military Academy, officials confirmed today.

The husband, wife, and two children were witnessed checking off an insane amount of state license plates in the parking lot of the West Point commissary as a pit stop during a recent family road trip, Army spokesperson Ann Templeton told Duffel Blog.

“The family seemed to be very excited to see hard-to-find license plates like North Dakota and New Mexico without actually counting them on the highway like you’re supposed to. So the base commander decided to place them in pretrial confinement,” Templeton said.

“No regrets,” said the crazed mother, frothing at the mouth in her jail cell. “We found a Saskatchewan plate, you guys! Do you have any idea how rare that is?”

The investigation into the alleged cheating scandal is being taken very seriously and is conducted by the Army’s Criminal Investigation Division.

Military police initially believed that the family was undercover MPs citing cars for expired registration stickers. But once the 12-year-old son yelled, “I FOUND ALASKA!” MPs ambushed the swindlers with guns drawn, yelling, “Put the checklist down and put your hands in the air!”

Officials describe the family to Duffel Blog as “extremely greedy” and clearly had a mission to complete. The cheating was caught on surveillance camera footage in which the family is seen moving quickly in a strategic pattern, like a pack of wolves.

Officials are also investigating whether or not the family entered the parking lot faster than 8 mph.

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