AFGJOBS posts new position for ‘Leader of Al Qaeda’
KABUL—Days after the United States killed top Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri, the leading jobs website for Afghanistan, AFG JOBS, has posted a hiring position for ‘The Leader of Al Qaeda.’
“The Leader of Al Qaeda applies their professional expertise and unique skill sets to their daily work, including fundraising, operations planning, or just staying alive,” reads the summary of the job posting.
Citing the immediate need to fill the position after a sudden vacancy, the position is open to all eligible terrorists. Veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are highly encouraged to apply.
“Whether you are an angry young man who has just joined ISIS, or a mid-level Al Qaeda leader who has only been working for ISIS for the past decade, we would love to hear from you.”
According to the job posting, the duties of the leader of Al Qaeda include sleeping in one bed one night and then sleeping in another bed another night, plotting terror attacks, and occasionally posing with an AK-47 in front of a video camera.
“Conditions of Employment: You must pass a background investigation. Required to obtain and maintain an AK-47 and close financial ties with Saudi Arabia. You must be registered for the Selective Service.”
The job comes with guaranteed lifetime employment, lasting either through age 75 or “whenever Special Operations Command manages to put a warhead on your forehead.”
The posting prohibits applications from CIA agents, Jews, Shia apostates, and women.
