Soldier gets best MRE in box without cheating
By Paul J. O’Leary
FORT BLISS, Texas — Heroes don’t always wear capes. That’s certainly the case for Pfc. Carlos Ramirez, a soldier with the 11th Air Defense Artillery Brigade. During a recent field training exercise, or FTX, Ramirez accomplished an incredible feat: scoring the best MRE in the box without cheating.
“I never thought this could happen to me!’ said Ramirez, a native of Tucson, Arizona. “I just reached in and grabbed one since my sergeant was watching. Next thing you know…I’m like the platoon hero!”
Inexplicably, Ramirez achieved the impossible. He selected a Chili Mac MRE (Meals Ready to Eat) without going through the usual methods of peaking, trading, or browsing.
His accomplishment was witnessed by his Team Leader, Sgt. Fredrick Hauk.
“I don’t tolerate no rat fucking of the MRE boxes, especially during an FTX. There just ain’t no dang time for it. Just grab it and go. If you really don’t like what you get, then trade with your buddy later.”
Rat fucking is a colloquial term used by soldiers to describe the practice of soldiers looking through the MRE box and viewing each individual meal until they can select the one they prefer. Many leaders suggest this practice wastes valuable time that could be used more effectively on other tasks.
Ramirez’s good fortune has been met by some with skepticism.
“I don’t know,” said Specialist Matt Crenshaw. “I’m not saying he’s lying or anything, but has anyone ever seen it happen? I mean, the First Sergeant says he saw it happen once when he was with the 82nd in OIF 1, but I always just chalked that story up to the fog of war.”
Ramirez holds to his version of the story.
“I’m not usually a religious man, but I guess the Oozlefinch was looking out for me today,” said Ramirez, referring to the legendary mascot of the Air Defense Artillery branch.
Paul J. O’Leary is an Army veteran who enjoys mixing good bourbon with Rip-its and thinks a couple 15-6s are a small price to pay for a good time. He also writes for Task & Purpose and can be found on Twitter at @pauljoleary.