VFW delays event until fat guy with a beard shows up
By RED Friday
The Snellville chapter of the Veterans of Foreign Wars in Georgia delayed the start of its bingo night until a fat guy with a beard showed up, sources confirmed today.
“We can’t start until we fill out our checklist,” post quartermaster Roger Hornswaggle said as he passed out bingo sheets to the rowdy crowd. “We have a list of people that must attend to ensure proper veteran representation.”
“Every crowd of veterans has strict requirements,” Hornswaggle continued. “There must be at least one jacked guy, someone wearing a moto t-shirt, an active duty E-6, two women, one pair cargo shorts, and a weird old guy. It’s written right here in our charter. Once everyone’s here someone will get upset about paying dues. Then we’ll play the National Anthem.”
“Although it is hard to tell if a single person is a veteran, our research has consistently shown a group of veterans will all look alike,” said Michael Dimok, president of the Pew Research Center.
“Our data matches the Snellville VFW’s charter down to the required ‘combat veteran’ tattoo placement on at least two attendees per gathering. In addition, even though there is a high percentage of minorities in the military, inexplicably everyone at a veteran’s event will be white. Although I am fairly certain that is not spelled out in the VFW charter.”
At press time, the fat guy had shown up but the event could not officially start until someone asked a female veteran if they were part of the auxiliary.
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