Coast Guard’s birthday promises to have boatloads of wine coolers

By As for Class

The Coast Guard has announced a party to end all parties, as every Coast Guard installation is being sent boatloads of wine coolers to kick off the um-teenth birthday of the USCG.

“Gosh, we’re pretty serious about this thing,” said John Sumpter, a Coast Guard spokesman.

“We’ve been making the cooks prepare deviled eggs for days. There’s goi…

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