Hangin' on Posco Pier!
By RED Friday Critics have given poor reviews to the second season of Netflix’s Space Force, claiming the depiction of a clueless general is unrealistic. TV critics who praised The Big Bang Theory have strong opinions on why Space Force is a bad show. “The idea that a branch of the military would be this […]
By Cat Astronaut KYIV — In a blatant escalation of tensions in Eastern Europe, Russia has deployed nearly 10,000 red-cockaded woodpeckers to the Ukrainian border to keep U.S. troops at bay, according to intelligence sources. “We knew Putin liked to fight dirty, but we didn’t think he’d sink this low,” said Secretary of Defense Lloyd […]
By Bull Winkle RZESZOW-JASIONKA, Poland — The U.S. is doubling down on defending NATO by deploying one of its newest force enhancements, a company of skilled exotic dancers. The arrival of the Army’s first Expeditionary Exotic Dancer Company (EEDC) gives the U.S. commitment to European security added flexibility and glitter. Maj. Terry Wilson of Headquarters […]
By As for Class TWENTYNINE PALMS, Calif. — Sgt. Alfred Johansson, who has spent a total of three and a half years of his life pooping inside of and masturbating in port-a-johns, doesn’t think the Covid-19 vaccine can possibly be safe. Johansson, who once slept with three women in the same night, not once wearing […]
By BYOBooyah PENTAGON – On the heels of long conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, neither of which involved enemy sea power, the U.S. Navy is on the hunt for a new adversary. Multiple sources within the Department of Defense indicate that American warships may soon be setting their sights on the world’s dolphin population. Though […]
By As for Class In the pantheon of military traditions and secrets, none has been more protected than what should have been obvious all along: warrant officers aren’t real. Yes. It’s true. Just like Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and Marines who don’t hate being Marines, it turns out that warrant officers are just figments of […]
By Slab Squatthurst SPACE – It was another mundane watch on the USS Buzz Aldrin and you were just grabbing a quick protein snack before your shift when suddenly you sense what feels like a huge shit or an alien growing inside you. However, Culinary Specialist 2nd Class Harold Rubio nervously denies his hard-boiled eggs […]
By Cat Astronaut As tensions rise in Eastern Europe, the North Atlantic Treaty Organization has announced it is putting its defense of the continent on hold until the U.S. Army formally implements the Army Combat Fitness Test. “While defending the western world from a resurgent and belligerent Russia is important, it is much more important […]
By Taskforce Football Bat AMERICA — With the nation moving into a critical midterm election year, veterans around the country are vying to become the next spineless piece of shit who will toe the line for their party leadership in Congress. Campaigns across the country are promising voters more of the same old dog whistles […]
By W.E. Linde THE PENTAGON – After media reports that U.S. forces had struck a Syrian dam that had been on a “No-Strike List” because of the potential risk of killing thousands of civilians, senior Pentagon officials admitted that military planners accidentally mistook the No-Strike List (NSL) for the completely different No, Strike List (N,SL). […]