Hangin' on Posco Pier!
HONOLULU — Former Representative and current self-appointed savior of the nation Tulsi Gabbard was spotted today doing cartwheels down Kalakaua Avenue, apparently elated by her newfound opportunity to delete any and all evidence that might link her to Russia. Witnesses reported that she was seen cackling that her “prayers to Saint Snowden have finally been […]
TOLEDO, Ohio — After a week that saw healthcare industry executives on edge following the fatal shooting of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, former Army sniper Todd “Deadeye” Wallace has reportedly begun preparing for what he describes as “inevitable cuts to VA healthcare” under the incoming Trump administration, sources confirmed today. Share The move comes amid […]
WASHINGTON — President-elect Donald Trump’s Secretary of Defense nominee, Pete Hegseth, has hit an unusual roadblock on the road to confirmation. The former Army National Guard officer and Fox News contributor has been ordered to attend intermediate-level education (ILE) and other professional military education (PME) requirements to enhance his knowledge of military operations, sources confirmed […]
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — Sources within the Trump transition team say President Donald Trump will exact vengeance on the 20th Chairmen of the Joint Chiefs by recalling him to active duty — but not to face court martial. Milley will instead face a far more severe punishment: having to serve as chairman under Trump […]
Photo by Aedrian Salazar on Unsplash MARINE CORPS AIR GROUND COMBAT CENTER, Calif. — Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. Eric M. Smith today honored Vice President-Elect J.D. Vance with a bronzed locker that he was regularly locked in while serving as a Marine. Share “This really brings back a lot of great memories,” Vance […]
ROYAL AIR FORCE LAKENHEATH, UNITED KINGDOM — In a recent ceremony emblematic of today’s broken Defense Department, Captain Lacie “Sonic” Hester, an F-15 Eagle weapons system officer, was awarded the Silver Star for what some have described as a significant lapse in judgment for committing warfighting in the face of the enemy. “I’ve always striven […]
KURSK, Russia — Following the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) deployment of an estimated 10,000 fresh troops to assist their Russian allies, North Korean soldiers assigned to the front lines of the Ukrainian battlefield have been amazed by the comfort of European combat. Defense officials say that while language issues have proven problematic, adjusting […]
MOSCOW — In a move that Western analysts are calling “an act of sheer desperation” and “wildly Russian,” the Russian Ministry of Defense has unveiled a new policy requiring all soldiers to participate in a “Bring Your Child to Work” program. The initiative, aimed at boosting morale and addressing the military’s dwindling manpower, is now […]
WASHINGTON — The Biden administration on Sunday finally authorized Ukraine to use the Army Tactical Missile System (ATACMS) inside Russia, signaling a major policy shift after months of indecision that is totally not meant to hamstring the next administration, sources confirmed today. The missile system has long been on the Ukrainian list of vital armaments […]
WASHINGTON — The Pentagon has begun preparing versions of current Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin’s daily information briefs for incoming Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth to answer critical questions, such as ‘Who the fuck is Pete Hegseth?’, sources confirmed today. “The purpose of these briefs is to facilitate a smooth transition of power by ensuring incoming […]