Hangin' on Posco Pier!
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has promised to sacrifice as many American soldiers as it takes to distract from the Epstein files, sources confirmed today. In a solemn address from the Oval Office, the president honored the sacrifices of those who have died in an unnecessary and unconstitutional war with Iran he began in February […]
THE PENTAGON – Days after threatening artificial intelligence company Anthropic for its refusal to remove usage restrictions on its Claude chatbot, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is now demanding that Cyberdyne Systems, the foremost developer of smart robotic weaponry for NORAD, immediately remove any guardrails from its Skynet system. “America needs the ability to respond quickly […]
WASHINGTON — Army Chief Warrant Officer 5 Eric Slover was awarded the Medal of Honor during a recent State of the Union address, marking the first time the nation's highest valor award has been issued for a feat so rare that it forced the Pentagon to officially acknowledge that a CW5 can attend a military […]
USNS Mercy – The entire crew of the USS Breault has been placed in a medical stand-down after reporting erections lasting more than four hours, sources confirmed today. "We were doing some … stuff, and then boom. My dick got hard," said Torpedoman's Mate 2nd Class Timmy Jimenez. "It was abnormal, like we finally got […]
WASHINGTON — Following the commencement of renewed U.S. military operations in the Middle East, defense experts lamented that the Pacific was once again not pivoted to. "It's like no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, the United States just won't commit to pivoting to us," said Chinese Minister of National Defense […]
TEHRAN — A typo in an early version of a U.S. Central Command operation order has reportedly resulted in what defense officials are calling "the most confusing yet epic psyop of all time." The scope of the error was not fully understood until early Saturday morning, when Israel and the U.S. began "major military operations" […]
WASHINGTON — During his annual State of the Union address to Congress on Wednesday, President Donald Trump promised Americans that he would carry out the “largest quagmire operation in U.S. history” following the launch of a war against Iran. “We will have a big, beautiful, never-ending war,” Trump said. “It will be the longest and […]
CREECH AIR FORCE BASE, Nev. — America’s technological leapfrog into drone dominance stalled this week after the cyan ink in the OEM-compatible tank of an Epson Workforce NCC-1701-D ran low, sources confirmed today. All efforts to build and deploy small, lethal drones for America’s battlefield advantage have been placed on hold until Darrell, a GS-12 […]
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — The Department of War has launched a formal review of tuition assistance programs that send service members to Harvard and other Ivy League schools after confirming that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is a product of one. The revelation has reportedly triggered a Department of War review of tuition assistance programs that send […]
FORT RUCKER, Ala. — Several dozen U.S. service members have complained to members of Congress and the Pentagon Inspector General in recent weeks after being forced to watch the ‘Melania’ documentary during Survival, Escape, Resistance, and Evasion (SERE) training, sources confirmed today. SERE School, which prepares high-risk personnel to withstand isolation, captivity, and torture, has […]