Hangin' on Posco Pier!
WASHINGTON – Pentagon leaders started a swear jar to defray potential losses after President Donald Trump declared a national emergency to fund parts of a wall on the U.S. border with Mexico and donations have far exceeded projections, sources confirmed today. What began as a way to prevent cutting military construction projects quickly turned into […]
TWENTYNINE PALMS, Calif. — Marines from 1st Battalion 7th Marine Regiment are determined not to have any incidents this weekend after their battalion commander urged them to “do the right thing” at his weekly liberty brief, sources confirmed today. Lt. Col. Mark Branfield’s remarks normally focus on training highlights from the past week and implicit […]
DES MOINES — Despite a class-action lawsuit victory for combat veterans against 3M for selling earplugs they knew did not work, local judge Michael Lois will not hear the case of an individual soldier who is almost completely deaf, sources confirmed today. “Hearing loss is a natural part of aging, and I see no evidence […]
BAGRAM, Afghanistan — Deployed soldiers found the preserved remains of a prehistoric staff officer frozen in a remote Conex box on Bagram Airfield, noting that the discovery may revolutionize the budding scientific field of “Slideology,” sources confirmed today. Soldiers stumbled upon the fossil, which they believe belongs to the species uselessum majoris, while exploring a section […]
WEST POINT, N.Y. – The United States Military Academy at West Point announced today that all academy sports teams, previously known as the “Black Knights,” are re-named the “Black Mold” in solidarity with Army families suffering from the deadly spores in military quarters. The re-naming is a reaction to recent Congressional inquiries into the deteriorating […]
Dear Signature Block, I love my boyfriend, but there’s one thing I don’t love about him: his chain smoking. When we met, he’d occasionally have a cigarette at a party, but things got stressful at his work this year and now he smokes constantly. I’ve talked to him about stopping, but he says that I […]
HAJIN, Syria – In the last 6 years, ISIS leader Abu Omar al-Baghdadi has called for jihad, death to westerners, and martyrdom, but al-Baghdadi now faces his most ambition request so far: notes on his new screenplay, sources confirmed today. “A Terrorist and a Gentleman” is al-Baghdadi’s first attempt at writing drama. He describes the […]
Winter can be full of holiday parties, lazy snow days on the couch, and a few too many glasses of eggnog. Don’t get too comfortable, though, because spring is just around the corner! Are you ready for sand and sun? As you get ready for that big trip to Normandy or Tarawa, Duffel Blog is here […]
FORT LEAVENWORTH, Kan. — Senior Army officers and enlisted called for “disruptive thinkers” to come forward, so that they can more easily be identified and marginalized or even murdered, sources confirmed today. In the “Disruptive Thinkers” seminar, a select group of senior non-commissioned officers and commissioned officers of all ranks listened to Gen. Mark Milley, […]
FORT BELVOIR, Va. – Surprise and confusion occurred at the Defense Threat Reduction Agency (DTRA) headquarters when Army Maj. Greg Tomlinson wore his uniform for the first time in as long as any employee there can remember, sources confirmed today. “Wearing it felt weird,” Tomlinson said. “I’ve gained some weight, so I had to suck […]