Hangin' on Posco Pier!
RENTON, Wash. — The Navy is investigating a potential “sweet deal” to increase its fleet of P-8 aircraft, sources confirmed today. The Navy’s P-8 Poseidon, an invaluable asset in submarine detection, is a modified Boeing 737 aircraft. The Boeing 737 Max has recently come under intense scrutiny and grounded for equipment failure following a string […]
WASHINGTON — Members of the Pentagon Press Corps announced a $3 million GoFundMe campaign to raise money to find, locate, and recover missing senior Department of Defense officials by featuring their photographs on milk cartons in the District of Columbia-Maryland-Virginia metropolitan area, sources confirmed today. Last week marked the 300th day since a Pentagon spokesperson […]
Washington, D.C. — Newly promoted Col. Bob Dole has been immediately flagged as non-deployable following a review of his official personnel file, a spokesperson from Human Resources Command confirmed today. This action comes on the heels of legislation, co-sponsored by Viagra manufacturer Pfizer, promoting the former senator and presidential candidate. “We really appreciated the assistance […]
Getting rejected from job after job can be frustrating. So when the US Army found out that 35 year-old Craig Foley had been fired from every job he ever had, they stepped up and gave him a job wielding absolute power over life and death! Wow! Talk about selfless service! Although most Americans are enjoying […]
PENTAGON — Air Force officials are sounding the alarm today about the greatest risk of the Trump administration’s plan to use military construction money to build a border wall — it could keep them from building more golf courses. The Pentagon operates 194 golf courses with 2,874 holes worldwide, mostly on Air Force bases. “These […]
WASHINGTON — Politicians celebrated after Congress voted today to lower the age a person can join the military, own a weapon, and drink thirty cans of Keystone Light before staggering to a voting booth. The new cutoff is sixteen, allowing wasted high-school sophomores to participate in and die for American democracy. “Just imagine the thrill […]
A Navy SEAL reassured a teammate dying from multiple gunshot wounds that this portion of his book would be “awesome,” sources confirmed today. “This is awesome. I’m talking about this on every stop of my book tour. No way I don’t hit the bestseller lists after this,” Chief Petty Officer Brian Costanza told his fellow […]
KHOST, Afghanistan — A U.S. Army forward observer’s bracket is “totally screwed” after only the first round, sources confirmed today. Bracketing is a common practice among casual observers and almost exclusively occurs in the post-winter months after the hangover of football season dissipates and the snow recedes. This period is often called “March Madness” or […]
By a concerned, underappreciated American citizen It has been 208 days since Sen. John McCain died and enough is enough. The reaction over the past few days by the “lame stream” media over comments President Donald Trump made regarding McCain are a constant, painful reminder that I have not yet been thanked for John McCain’s […]
FORT BENNING, Ga. – Soldiers in Headquarters Company, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division are in unanimous agreement that the new intelligence analyst has dethroned the chaplain’s assistant as the company’s top oddity, sources confirmed today. Spc. Eric Pridemore, the new all-source analyst, raised a few eyebrows when he arrived at the unit clad […]