Hangin' on Posco Pier!
Everyone who has earned the Eagle, Global, and Anchor knows that being a Marine isn’t something you do – it’s something you become. No matter how long you stay in the service or what occupation you pursue afterward, you will always be a Devil Dog first. As such, our staff has compiled a list of […]
WASHINGTON – Veterans Affairs Secretary Robert Wilkie called his own department’s suicide hotline last night after yet another in a long line of scandals rocked the Department of Veterans Affairs last week, sources confirm. Wilkie’s administration was already reeling from reports of 11 suspicious deaths at one facility, an alcoholic doctor who misdiagnosed more than […]
ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Members of the 249th Airlift Squadron are excited about an investigation into their official travel at President Donald Trump’s hotel in Scotland. While the outcome could be negative, it will at least require finance to actually close them out in DTS. The inquiry started when the House Oversight Committee noticed that Air […]
KABUL, Afghanistan — Residents of Kabul are enjoying shorter commute times on the Kandahar–Kabul Highway thanks to the recent completion of a designated car bomb toll lane, sources report. “For over 18 years motorists had to endure expressways choked with vehicle-borne improvised explosive devices (VBIEDs), resulting in driver frustration, spilled coffee, and premature detonations due […]
FORT KNOX, Ky. — Facing a downward trend in recruiting numbers, the U.S. armed forces have partnered with Amazon to create the new “1-Click Enlistment” program, allowing high school students to enlist in any of the military branches with just a single click online. This innovative approach was formed after research from U.S. Army Recruiting […]
COLLEGE STATION, Texas – The student body of Texas A&M University was rocked today by news that their Corps of Cadets is guilty of stolen valor and has been for 143 years. Authorities reached a guilty verdict after discovering that despite wearing uniforms in public, displaying military medals, and being big time hardos, less than […]
WASHINGTON — Acting Deputy Defense Secretary Marie Kondo has issued a suggestion for the American people: Thank veterans for the joy they brought them before ultimately discarding them. Popular Japanese minimalist and home organizing consultant Marie Kondo fell into the position of Acting Deputy Defense Secretary after qualified individuals kept leaving office after less than […]
FARGO, N.D. — Americans everywhere were struck with the sudden feeling they were forgetting something this morning, though none of them could figure out what it was. At 8:46 AM, area mom Jacqueline Kensington gave herself a quick pat down before leaving home for the day. Despite finding her phone and wallet where they were […]
SOMEWHERE IN SYRIA — The Islamic State will soon be appointed to head the United Nations subcommittee tasked with abolishing slavery worldwide, according to several people familiar with the matter. An ISIL official, who declined to give his name claiming, “There are literally drones circling my ministry right now.” The official said that ISIL hopes […]
CALVERT CITY, Ken. — Tristen Houk is a former air defense artillery soldier fresh out of the U.S. Army who is ready to begin his civilian career. While this transition is often the toughest for many veterans, Tristen has a different type of tough choice to make: which service medal pocket square to wear to […]