Hangin' on Posco Pier!
BOISE, Id. — Capt. Stuart J Rollins, an A-10 pilot in the Idaho Air National Guard, is taking the alcoholism and flight skills the military gave him and bringing them to the private sector. “I learned a lot in the Guard, and now I think it’s time for the private sector and my bank account…
FORT LEONARD WOOD — The Army’s competition for Non-Commissioned Officer of the year came to an end today after a grueling process, when the personal records review revealed only one competitor had not had sex with any of his trainees. The Army announced that Sergeant First Class Daniel Mason won the coveted title of NCO…
By Master Sergeant Thomas LaFever, your Drill Sergeant. Listen up, America. You’re scared. You’re scared of an enemy that you can’t see and that is highly infectious. Well, you know what is more infectious than COVID-19? Courage. And you know who is more contagious with that than a whole cruise ship full of old people?…
PARIS – In a desperate attempt to curb the spread of coronavirus disease, or COVID-19, within its borders, the French military surrendered unconditionally to the virus in a beautifully choreographed public ceremony this morning. “I have trained my entire life for this moment,” said France’s Chief of Defense Staff, Gen. François Gérard Marie Lecointre, as…
PYONGYANG – The Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) confirmed that North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Chong Un is calling himself “a new Dear Leader” devoted to a life of health and fitness. According to DIA spokesman Maj. Gordon Moody, a severe illness caused Kim’s recent disappearance from public view. This brush with death motivated Kim to…
ARMSTRONG LUNAR BASE, MOON – Tragedy struck the U.S. Space Force Academy yesterday as its entire graduating class suffocated during the celebratory helmet toss. “To be fair, this was the very first graduating class of our nation’s newest service academy,” said Chief of Space Operations, General Jay Raymond, “We’ll for sure have to add this…
WASHINGTON — Documents from the late 1940s declassified Monday contain shocking revelations regarding famed muffin patriarch Otis Spunkemeyer. The documents outline a secret US program called Operation Banana Nut which repatriated top Nazi muffin scientists to the US and allowed them to continue their work under assumed aliases. This confirms decades of speculation that Spunkmeyer…
JACKSONVILLE, N.C. — Pvt. 1st Class John Hodges is totally about to make millions in the stock market, sources report. “Stocks are so low right now I’m going to buy a bunch,” Hodges said earlier today. “In a few months I’ll be rich.” Hodges, who has a credit score of 510 and is $23,000 in…
TUCSON, Ariz. – The U.S. Air Force announced this week that it had awarded a $400 million contract to the Raytheon Missiles & Defense technology company, which reportedly surprised company leaders as they weren’t sure what the contract was intended for. “While we are of course excited to once again partner with the world’s premier…
ANNAPOLIS, Md. – Defense Tropes Quarterly announced the publication of yet another article claiming the aircraft carrier is vulnerable, obsolete, and prohibitively expensive. The piece is the latest in a long series of articles in professional military journals questioning the utility of the carrier which literally dates back to the carrier’s very inception nearly a…