Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
WASHINGTON — The Department of Defense announced today that Fort Campbell has been renamed “Campbell’s® Fort” after striking a lucrative branding deal with the Campbell’s Soup Company. “Nothing screams military tradition like a can of lukewarm tomato sludge,” said Maj. Gen. Brett Sylvia, the base commander. “Now, I know morale is low. I know the […]
WASHINGTON — In an effort to root out and eliminate Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) efforts, the Department of Defense announced that it would no longer treat black mold found in military facilities, sources confirmed today. “Mold shouldn’t get treated any differently just because it’s black,” Secretary of Defense Pete “29 and counting” Hegseth said […]
THE PENTAGON — Following the revelation that he had illegally shared classified information on a Signal group chat which included a journalist, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth vowed to punish himself with a program of self-remediation to prevent future unauthorized disclosures of classified material, sources confirmed today. Share “Accountability has been my watchword from day […]
(TOP SECRET//SCI//REL: Signal) Share TEAM: 🇷🇺 💣 🇺🇦 👶 🇺🇸 💸 🇺🇦 👶 🇺🇸 😭 🇺🇦 🚫 🙏 🙏 👶 🇺🇸 🤥 🤥 🤥 🇷🇺 😄 🇺🇦 😭 🇬🇧 😭 🇫🇷 😭 🌎 🤯 👶 🇺🇸 💣 👳🏿♂️ 👳🏽♂️ 👳🏻♂️ 👶 💬 💬 💬 💥 🇷🇺 😄 🇨🇳 😄 V/R, Mike Waltz National Security Advisor […]
The world found out shortly before 2 p.m. Eastern time on March 15th that the United States was bombing Houthi targets across Yemen. We, however, knew two hours before the first bombs exploded that the attack might be coming, and also what the National Security Council was going to have for dinner. We knew this […]
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, long known for his poor judgment, shocked the world on Monday when it was revealed that he showed poor judgment by texting classified war plans in an unsecured group chat with a reporter from The Atlantic. Share “I was shocked when I heard Pete was the source of the Pentagon leaks,” […]
The following is an op-ed by Jeff and Tina, former employees of the Cyber Awareness Challenge at the Department of Defense. Six years ago, the Department of Defense decided that it no longer needed our helpful hints on cyber awareness and operational security offered in a quiz game format. But now, as we assess the […]
By Fat Ghengis WASHINGTON — Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth clarified this week with reporters that the recent leak of classified information to a journalist was actually supposed to have been a close-up photograph of his genitals. Share The classified war plans shared with The Atlantic’s Jeffrey Goldberg, which included details about upcoming military activities […]
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Members of Bravo Company have officially filed a complaint against 2nd Lt. Tyler Gear, citing his inability to hold a single conversation without mentioning his deep, borderline spiritual connection to IPAs, sources confirmed today. Share “He won’t stop,” said Sgt. Jake Mendoza, rolling his eyes. “We’ll be in the motor pool, […]
So, you’re tired of this modern hellscape bullshit. Maybe your chain of command is a toxic dumpster fire, or perhaps you’ve realized that no amount of online “tactical” gear purchases will make your desk job any cooler. Either way, you’re looking for a fresh start in a foreign land — whether it’s fighting for freedom, […]