Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
CHICAGO — The WNBA has surged in popularity thanks to the star power of newcomers like Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese, but it’s also attracted fan-initiated disruptions to games in recent weeks. That was disturbingly clear at an August 9 matchup between the Golden State Valkyries and Chicago Sky when Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth was […]
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has long coveted Greenland, and he finally secured it as the international territorial trade deadline approached. “It’s a beautiful country. Well, state. Now it’s our beautiful 51st state. Canada could have been that. I told the prime minister he was never going to get a better deal than 51. Now […]
FORT HOOD CAVAZOS HOOD, TX — After the U.S. Army officially renaming the infamous Fort Hood to Fort Cavazos and then back to Fort Hood in an effort to, quote, “move forward,” Army leaders are assuring the public that absolutely nothing else will change — including the post’s long-standing reputation for systemic dysfunction, unchecked violence, […]
ARLINGTON, Va — U.S. Marine Commandant Gen. Eric Smith has come to the horrifying realization that it’s just going to keep being like this for a few years, sources confirmed today. Share “I was checking if my phone was tapped when I realized this isn’t the growing pains of a new administration,” Smith said to […]
ANNAPOLIS, Md. — The U.S. Naval Academy’s prestigious summer seminar, once known for instilling leadership, discipline, and an inexplicable obsession with boats, has unveiled its latest addition to the curriculum: Personnel Optimization Strategy (POS), a program designed to help high school students “recognize prejudice by reenacting it in excruciating detail.” Share The course, launched in […]
WASHINGTON — The Department of Defense has changed the name of Fort Huachuca, Arizona, to Fort Hawk Tua, sources confirmed today. The change comes after what officials vaguely described as an extensive and highly classified review process. Share Anonymous sources from the Pentagon hinted at a combination of factors for the name change that included […]
MONOLITH BASE, Badhikistan — In a tense domestic meeting last week, Cobra Commander urged his son to consider a career in the U.S. Air Force, sources confirmed today. Sources close to the transnational terrorist organization’s inner core say that Cobra Commander had been increasingly preoccupied with Billy’s future, particularly in the aftermath of the group’s disastrous […]
WASHINGTON — The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has unveiled its bold plan to reduce the Pentagon’s iconic five-sided structure into a more efficient and streamlined triangle, sources confirmed today. Yet the decision, hailed as a geometric marvel of cost-saving by DOGE officials, has ignited fierce backlash from defense insiders and civil servants alike. Share […]
THE MIDDLE EAST — Amid fighting between the United States and Iran and escalating tensions in the Middle East, Green Beans Coffee has recalled thousands of reserve baristas to active duty, sources confirmed today. Share “Our brave reserve baristas stand ready at a moment’s notice to serve artisan lattes on the front lines of faraway […]
WASHINGTON — Retired general and former Secretary of Defense James “Mad Dog” Mattis emerged from a time machine in the nation’s capital today, recoiling in horror at the devastation wrought by his accidental disturbance of Earth’s timeline. Share “It was just one butterfly…” he stammered while shakily reading a Washington Post headline about North Korean […]