Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
TED”S ROOT CELLAR — The System of Humans In The Anti-Illuminati Militia concluded an inspection of a remote SCIF in Florida designed to keep out the NSA, Bigfoot, JFK’s true killer, and North Koreans. The location is occupied around the clock by Captain Commandant Ted McTedson: professional prepper instructor, shitpost lord, and regular blogger at…
JOINT BASE LEWIS-MCCHORD, Washington – Specialist Michael Webb elected to remain on post this past weekend rather than attend a protest in nearby Seattle citing concerns over police violence towards minorities. Webb, who is Black, feels much safer remaining on post where there are no real cops, only MPs. “I see images of police brutality…
KILLEEN, Texas — After a week of beta testing, the Army’s E-Sports gaming team, reports that the Fort Hood version of the newest installment of the wildly popular Grand Theft Auto videogame, GTA: Fort Hood is “a little too realistic.” GTA’s creators say they were trying to create “a more authentic experience” for modern gamers….
WINTERFELL, Westeros — “Gather round warriors of Winterfell and prepare for the brief of safety to be given by our beloved Hodor” said Arya Stark, as the first snow of the season began to fall. “Hodor, please inform the men and women of this great kingdom what they should and shouldn’t do this weekend to…
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — A Force Recon Marine has recently published his first tell-all coloring book, according to sources at both Chuck E. Cheese and Books-a-Billion in nearby Jacksonville. Speaking at the bookstore while munching on a cold slice of pepperoni, Capt. Joshua Hopkins, assigned to the Marine Corps’ 2nd Reconnaissance Battalion, told a group…
CHARLESTON, W.V. — Less than a year after separating from the Army as a first lieutenant, Daniel Cummings has found himself sleeping on the streets of West Virginia under a blanket that’s printed in the design of a DD-214 active duty release form to keep him warm at night. Cummings was a commissioned officer in…
WASHINGTON — The Defense Secretary on Tuesday ordered the Army-Navy Game renamed to Suckers vs. Losers Bowl in order to better reflect White House policy changes toward the military. “President Donald J. Trump supports our military 100%,” said Defense Secretary Mark Esper. “He knows these suckers and losers serve with honor and distinction.” The latest…
WASHINGTON — Americans everywhere are condemning President Donald Trump for allegedly calling dead American soldiers “suckers” and “losers” in 2018, publicly voicing opinions of contempt for the military which most Americans say should only be expressed in private. “I think it’s absolutely disgraceful that Donald Trump has said out loud what many of us clearly…
WASHINGTON – Breaking with his peers and the entire history of the Defense Department, the Chief of Staff of the Army said today that the service is in absolutely, perfectly great shape. “Doing great, pretty much no problems, man,” said Chief of Staff Gen. James C. McConville, popping a stick of chewing gum in his…
THE PENTAGRAM — During a Friday press conference, Gen. John W. “Jay” Raymond announced the selection of the Tardigrade as the official Space Force mascot. “Much like the Marine Corps has the bulldog, the Navy a goat, and the Air Force the Blue Falcon, we felt some type of animal would the best selection.” Gen….