Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
BETHESDA, Md. – Medics and corpsmen at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center responded with the poise and compassion characteristic of their profession when the president arrived at the military’s flagship hospital earlier last evening. “I told him the same thing I tell everybody when they show up all sad-faced and mopey while we’re…
ARLINGTON, Va. — Preparing to transition into civilian life after 20 years in uniform, retiring Army Maj. Derek Fletcher was struggling to translate the skills he learned in the Army, like watching YouTube videos on a government computer, into a civilian skillset. “My time in the Army prepared me for a lot of the challenges…
’MURICA – The professional coalition of rough-and-ready patriots known as The Proud Boys arrived in formation at 0330 this morning, sources report, ready to execute follow-on presidential directives. “Alright, gents, POTUS wants us to standby,” tweeted Proud Boys leader, Enrique Tarrio. “I want every swinging dick on a 24-hour recall.” The Proud Boys, founded in…
According to a recent interview with The Atlantic, former Secretary of Defense and Marine Corps General James Mattis wrote the first draft of his book, Call Sign Chaos: Learning to Lead, entirely in crayon. “Some of the greatest authors in history have done their best work when isolated from the rest of society where they…
WASHINGTON — Secretary of the Navy Kenneth Braithwaite announced the Navy would be shifting to a paperless administration system with mandatory paper copies, sources report. “We need to streamline the Navy,” Braithwaite said to reporters earlier today. “Our previous attempts at reducing paperwork have created an exponential increase in the amount of paperwork sailors have…
SOUTHERN PINES, N.C. – You might think that in America, everyone loves the Troops! But that’s not the case, because this vending machine won’t take challenge coins as payment. Wow. “I literally killed someone to get this coin,” said Sgt. Craig Mutter, a special forces medic. “I think that should get me a Milky Way.” It doesn’t,…
The following is an article by Thuszoldydides, from the September 480 BCE issue of the Duffel Blog’s ancient Greek predecessor, The Satchel Wax. SPARTA – Lance Hoplite FlavorFlavius has been ordered to wear a giant stone and bronze sundial to every gathering for a fortnight after missing first phalanx this morning, sources confirmed. “This isn’t…
You ever get hurt in the Army? You probably got told to ice it and take some Motrin. Was that the right answer? Duffel Blog asked expert medicos which injuries need ice and rest, and which ones need advanced imagery, surgery, or specialty care: Plantar fasciitis—“This is the most run-of-the mill injury I could imagine,” says Army sports…
BEALE AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. — Multiple sources report that Capt. William Best, an intelligence operations officer assigned to the 9th Intelligence Squadron, simply will not shut up about that one time his analysis was correct. Although Best usually heavily caveats any predicative analysis with typical terms of art such as “medium confidence,” or “low-to-medium…
WASHINGTON — More than 200 E-4s and E-3s, including dozens of Army specialists and Marine Corps lance corporals, published a letter this week endorsing “whoever can get us the fuck out of here by 1600!” Breaking from traditional protocol, the E-4s – most of whom are serving on active duty – publicly entered the fray…