Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
Secretary of Defense Mark Esper stares down at the keyboard while trying to remember his password for the USAJOBS website. His original password was 1-2-3-4-5, according to sources. (Photo by U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Jack Sanders) WASHINGTON — Defense Secretary Mark Esper has told his staff he won’t leave the Pentagon until he figures […]
(Photo Credit: US Army) WINDOW ROCK, Ariz. — A recent U.S. Army initiative is being criticized as tone-deaf after numerous shipments of face coverings were rejected by Navajo Nation reservations nationwide and returned to sender, sources confirmed today. The Army made multiple attempts to get the Navajo Nation leaders to accept unwelcome shipments of the […]
Raytheon used focus groups of service members with a great deal of experience in managing women’s complaints to design a pilot program. (Photo: U.S. Air Force) THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense has awarded an $89 billion contract to build a new top-secret weapons system to eliminate sexual harassment, sources confirmed today. “Eliminating sexual […]
WASHINGTON — Gen. David Hokansan, Chief of the National Guard, admits the service botched a nationwide plan to suppress the popular vote, sources report. “Some state Adjutants General ordered their troops to block votes in pro-Trump districts,” Hokansan said. “Unfortunately others gave contrary orders, while some troops misinterpreted their orders and blocked votes that were…
THE PENTAGON — According to a press release, all Department of Defense personnel are now required to complete an online Coup Awareness course as part of their mandatory calendar year training. The official statement explicitly denies rumors that the course was created in response to simmering partisan tensions surrounding the 2020 presidential election. “People should…
SAN DIEGO, Calif. — Navy SEAL Bret Curtis was the victim of intrateam harassment for years because he refused to write a book about his life as a Navy Sea, Air, and Land commando. Curtis joined after 9/11 to “be a part of the most secretive and elite military brotherhood in the world” Curtis said….
THE PENTAGON – The military provided details Friday about source new body armor designed specifically for women’s bodies. Called Athena Armor, the new equipment is exactly the same in size, weight, and general dimensions as current body armor but is pink and significantly more expensive. In a PowerPoint deck distributed to media, the military hyped…
THE PENTAGON — General Charles Q. Brown, Chief of Staff of the Air Force, was seen going back to a bowl of candy bars labeled “take one” twice at the Joint Chiefs of Staff socially-distanced trick or treat event. “I will be needing this for long-range Halloween capability,” Brown said, placing a full-size Snickers in…
DENVER – People have been caught impersonating our nation’s heroes for a number of reasons over the years: better seats on flights, a free drink at a bar, or even just a pat on the back. But last night, an imposter with a sweet tooth was seen skulking about the streets of a Denver neighborhood,…
WASHINGTON — The Marine Corps has begun issuing a new socially distanced bayonet that is six feet in length, Brigadier General Spanky Sicklecell announced yesterday. “Stabbing the enemy at close range with a steel blade, while perhaps violent, is an honorable thing,” Sicklecell said. “But violating an individual’s social distance rights is cold-blooded and goes…