Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
By Call Sign Buttercup FORT BRAGG — The Pentagon announced this week that all military children will be gifted lifelong therapy and alcoholism to celebrate the ‘Month of the Military Child’ this April. “When a soldier serves, his family serves,” said Army Chief of Staff Gen. McConnville, “That’s why we’re thanking our military children with […]
By W. E. Linde KABUL, Afghanistan — Despite a pledge by President Joe Biden to withdraw all American troops from Afghanistan by Sept 11, 2021, absolutely no one is “leaving this shithole until every piece of brass is cleaned up from my AOR,” said Sgt. Maj. of the Army Michael Grinston in a sternly worded […]
“You mean they’re leaving in a ‘we’re leaving by 2014 but not really haha’ right?” asked one local farmer. (Image by Amber Clay from Pixabay) By Cat Astronaut KABUL — Taliban officials say they are uncertain about who will unwittingly fund their operations in the wake of President Joe Biden’s decision to pull all U.S […]
Marines train for the skills that kill. (Photo: Lance Cpl. Emmanuel Ramos) By Blondes over Baghdad PENTAGON — A Pentagon study aimed at identifying and rooting out extremism in the armed forces has led to the conclusion that the Marine Corps should be a banned extremist group by 2022. “The Department of Defense convened a […]
Photo Illustration/Flickr/William Real By Slab Squat Thrust MINNEAPOLIS — Ghislaine Maxwell, the well-known partner of sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, has been transferred to a Veteran’s Hospital parking lot in Minneapolis where she is expected to await trial and totally not commit suicide, sources confirmed today. Maxwell was arrested last year on charges s… Read more
By Cat Astronaut The Army has revised its long-held policy on winning wars after the Biden administration announced all U.S. troops would leave Afghanistan by September 11, 2021. Officials say new regulations allow all general officers to plank for two minutes in lieu of a decisive victory in a war that has lasted nearly 20 […]
By Cobra Commander WASHINGTON — The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has authorized the emergency use of an edible vaccine developed by Crayola in an effort to shore up inoculations in the Marine Corps. “We’ve been trying to think outside the box for how to get all of our Marines vaccinated against COVID-19,” said Marine […]
By Whiskey Fueled Tirade Alexandria, Va. — Maj. Gen. Timothy P. Williams, Virginia’s highest-ranking National Guard officer, was unable to attend drill last weekend when his manager at Radio Shack refused to give him the time off, sources confirmed. “Mr. Harrison is a grade-A ballbuster,” Williams said of his 19-year-old store manager. “I was several […]
By 29ReasonsWhy WASHINGTON — As criminal proceedings get underway for people accused of domestic terrorism after storming the Capitol on January 6, several defendants are asking for a military discount on prison sentences by virtue of their veteran status. “My three years as a fuel supply specialist in the Air Force Reserve more than outweigh […]
By W.E. Linde WASHINGTON — The Biden Administration is under fire from Congress and some members of the military after the sudden promotion of Major Biden to the rank of lieutenant colonel amid a series of biting incidents at the White House. “There is nothing suspicious going on here,” said White House Press Secretary Jen […]