Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
By Blondes Over Baghdad PENTAGON — After years of clinical studies and field testing, Sgt. Maj. of the Army Michael A. Grinston has announced that the Army would begin a rigorous, six-event mental fitness test. “For far too long, we’ve treated mental fitness as an additional duty,” Grinston said. “With this new test, we’ll be […]
By BYOBooyah WASHINGTON — The Army released a poem on Friday sourced from the military community about six months after the inauguration of President Joe Biden and its widely-regarded recital of “The Hill” by poet laureate Amanda Gorman. The new Army poem by Petey King, a retired Army specialist and Veteran of Foreign Wars poet […]
By Red Friday WASHINGTON — The Army announced on Wednesday it had opened a new leadership school to teach officers how to be better Yes Men. “I’m proud to announce the opening of the Yes Men Center of Excellence,” said Army Chief Of Staff Gen. James McConville. “It is important that our officers learn to […]
By W. E. Linde PENTAGON — With efforts by Congress to overhaul the way the military handles sexual assault cases stalled in the Senate Armed Services Committee, the Pentagon has come up with a new program to demonstrate they aren’t ignoring this endemic problem: all women will now be given hazard-duty pay regardless of where […]
By Whiskey Fueled Tirade PENTAGON — Army Chief of Staff Gen. James C. McConville today pledged to authorize beards if the Army met the goal of having 90% of all soldiers vaccinated against Covid-19 by July 4th. “Though most of you trailer park ex-pats couldn’t grow a full beard if your life depended on it,” […]
By W. E. Linde FORT BRAGG — The Army Research Lab has started testing virtual and augmented reality headsets that not only greatly enhance situational awareness in combat, but also show soldiers how good life could have been had they made better life choices. Troops this week who trained with these next-generation headsets were able […]
By Bull Winkle WASHINGTON — Recently released videos of Unidentified Aerial Phenomena (UAP) show no evidence of extraterrestrial life, said Mzorpus Klaatu, Space Force’s General of Galaxy Markarian 422 and foremost alien expert. “Disregard my title and command,” said Klaatu to a bi-partisan Congressional panel, “it is not important and too complex for most humans […]
By Jordan Hemlock KABUL, Afghanistan — Afghanistan is in chaos after the U.S. government announced that five Wonka bars throughout the country contain Special Immigration Visas for an interpreter and one lucky family member. Interpreters are quitting their jobs, pulling their children out of school, and recruiting family members nationwide to help purchas… Read more
By Bad Lawyer SAN DIEGO — Memorial Day is a solemn day of reflection for many Americans, perhaps none more so than retired Navy SEAL Eddie Gallagher. But instead of drinking beer and barbecuing with friends, Gallagher will spend the day solemnly reflecting on those he “totally did not murder” on a live-streamed episode of […]
By W. E. Linde PYONGYANG — Tensions on the Korean Peninsula spiked this week after Pyongyang sounded a defiant tone against the West and vowed to “murder as many of our proud people as necessary” to resist American aggression. North Korea’s broadside was triggered by President Joe Biden’s address to Congress last month, where he […]