Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
By Cat Astronaut AFGHANISTAN — With Afghanistan spiraling into chaos in recent weeks, the United States has reassured its Afghan partners that regardless of how bad things get, the American military-industrial complex will get through it and come out on the other side stronger than ever. “To our Afghan allies and partners, we know you’re […]
By Cobra Commander KABUL, AFGHANISTAN — Abdul-Fattah Raziq, currently serving as the logistics officer (S-4) of the Badri 614, a Taliban Army battalion, has become increasingly irritated with his troops’ inability to account for their equipment. “It’s like these guys have never heard of supply discipline,” Razig said exasperatedly as his Taliban compatrio… Read more
By Grumpy HOLLYWOOD — Fans of “Afghanistan,” the longest-running military drama in U.S. history, tuned in for the show’s finale in numbers not seen in more than a decade, according to ratings company Nielsen. “We are very grateful to our loyal fans who stayed with us all the way through,” producers said in a statement. […]
By Medal of Dishonor WASHINGTON D.C. — A bipartisan group of lawmakers, historically known for avoiding military service downrange, will vote on whether to make women register for the draft this week. In a bid towards providing all young Americans with an equal opportunity to serve against their will, the Senate Armed Services Committee has […]
By G-Had KABUL, AFGHANISTAN — Americans have described themselves as ‘outraged’ and ‘devastated’ after pictures emerged of U.S. forces leaving 46 working dogs, along with 30 million Afghans, behind in Afghanistan following Monday’s pull-out. A series of social media posts taken in late August allegedly showed photos of the dogs abandoned at the Kabul airport, along […]
Tanks carrying our nation’s best and brightest scholars to battle. By Scheisskopf WASHINGTON D.C. — Leading think tanks from across the American political spectrum heroically volunteered to deploy this week in a surprise assault on Taliban positions in Kabul, Afghanistan. “I have criticized U.S. foreign policy for decades, but with the chaos I see in […]
By Call Sign Buttercup THE WHITE HOUSE — President Joe Biden said in a press conference on Saturday that his messaging surrounding the evacuation efforts in Afghanistan is going real great. “We’ve successfully spun the story to the American people that the withdrawal is nothing but a great foreign policy success,” the president said, “despite […]
By Paul J. O’Leary ATLANTA, GA — As the world focused on Afghanistan and the Taliban’s lightning-fast takeover of the nation, many American and British veterans of the war watched in horror as it seemed two decades of bloodshed and hard work unraveled in a matter of a weekend. But Lt. Col. Thaddeus Cole, commander […]
By Cat Astronaut Following their rapid advance across Afghanistan in recent days, the Taliban expressed concerns about the fact that they “actually have to govern this shithole now.” “The whole insurgency thing was fun, and capturing the major population centers was surprisingly easy,” said Taliban leader Haibatullah Akhundzada. “But governing this godforsaken hellscape is going […]
By Bad Lawyer WASHINGTON — In a stunning reversal of policy this morning, the Biden administration announced it has offered to trade back former Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl to the Taliban in exchange for the safe passage of American citizens and interpreters attempting to flee Afghanistan. “We do not normally trade back war prisoners after […]