Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
By Zoltar the Malignant WASHINGTON, D.C. — The State Department has brokered a deal with the Taliban to repatriate thousands of pieces of priceless dick graffiti left behind during the withdrawal from Afghanistan. The agreement, hammered out over months of back-channel negotiations that began during the final weeks of the Trump administration, covers “any… Read […]
By Whiskey Fueled Tirade FORT CARSON, Colo. – Pvt. Mason Young lost complete faith and trust in humanity after his squad leader, Sgt. Martin Bird, pretended to lose count during an in-cadence pushup session at PT this morning. “What just happened?” a stunned Young asked the soldier next to him. “We clearly just did 10 […]
Photo by W.E. Linde By Bad Lawyer WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden wandered into the White House Situation Room earlier today asking about reports of a Chinese lunch he had been hearing so much about. “Did I miss all the egg rolls?” Biden asked a confused Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Mark […]
Photo by Sander Dalhuisen on Unsplash By BYOBooyah GLENDALE, Calif. — In a move certain to anger veteran groups nationwide, Applebee’s released a statement this morning doubling down on its commitment to only offer free meals to veterans who won in Afghanistan this year. Up until this point, all soldiers and veterans were offered free, […]
By Cat Astronaut BEDFORD FALLS, N.Y. — Giddy with anticipation for his favorite holiday of the year, local 8-year-old Tommy Frye stayed up all night this Veterans Day Eve just to catch a glimpse of a veteran climbing down his chimney with presents of freedom and sacrifice. “I knew it! I knew veterans were real!” […]
Photo credit W.E. Linde By Paul J. O’Leary FORT JACKSON, S.C. – In a solemn ceremony held at the U.S. Army Chaplain Center and School fitness center, Chaplain (Major General) Thomas L. Solhjem announced its commission of the Army’s first CrossFit chaplain. “As the entity responsible for counseling, the Chaplain Corps must constantly evolve to […]
By W.E. Linde FORT HOOD, TX – Following the end of the US military mission in Afghanistan and the return of the Taliban to power, the Biden Administration has run into a new obstacle in its efforts to relocate thousands of Afghan interpreters who worked with US forces over the years: the Qatari Embassy in […]
By Paul J. O’Leary WASHINGTON D.C. — Friends couldn’t help but notice the Pentagon purged its social media of all photographs of Afghanistan following the couple’s recent breakup. Sources close to both Afghanistan and the Pentagon say the 20-year relationship always seemed toxic but ended abruptly when U. S. troops abruptly departed in the dead […]
By W.E. Linde FORT BELVOIR, Virginia – Service members can now look forward to the return of popular Meal Ready to Eat Menu 666, which was abruptly discontinued last year. The controversial Soylent Green MRE is once again available, thanks in large part to demand from the rank-and-file. Plentiful and relatively inexpensive to produce, Soylent […]
By Cat Astronaut Just months after the United States’s controversial withdrawal from Afghanistan, Taliban operatives have seized over $5 billion worth of Microsoft PowerPoint slides left behind by American troops, sources say. “This is a tragedy of the highest order,” Maj. Jim Lancaster, who served two tours on staff at Bagram Air Base, said. “I […]