Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
By RED Friday SUITLAND, MD— The Director of Naval Intelligence, Vice Adm. Jeffrey Trussler, has been asking employees if they’ve heard about the Ukraine thing going on, sources report. “The DNI came in asking if I’d heard of anything out of the ordinary going on in Ukraine,” Capt. Jim Porter said. “Obviously I hadn’t. I […]
By Zoltar the Malignant AUSTIN, Texas — SpaceX CEO Elon Musk has answered a plea from Ukraine’s embattled government for a revolutionary athletic supporter sturdy enough to hold President Volodymyr Zelenskyy’s gigantic pair of balls. Within hours of receiving the request via Twitter from Ukrainian Vice Prime Minister Mykhailo Fedorov for a jockstrap capable of […]
Dear reader, Today marks the 10-year anniversary of Duffel Blog. It seems surreal to even write those words. When I launched Duffel Blog on March 4, 2012, I thought it would be little more than a creative outlet for me to poke fun at the military life I knew so well after eight years in […]
By Cat Astronaut As war rages in Ukraine, the U.S. government has called former President Barack Obama out of retirement to “drone strike some bitches.” “Mr. President, the world needs you now more than ever,” current President Joe Biden said in his first State of the Union address last evening. “There has never in history […]
By Rock or Something MOSCOW — Russian Defense Minister Sergey Shoygu confirmed today that nearly 1,000 Russian Army 2nd lieutenants deserted their units immediately following Ukraine’s Operation “Fuck Your Azimuth.” The Ukrainian Interior Minister, Denys Monastyrskiy, called on rural towns to remove or change road signs in order to confuse the invaders. As Russian troops […]
By Cobra Commander MOSCOW — Russian country super-star Toby Keithovitch has a smash hit on his hands, riding a wave of patriotism following the Russian full-scale invasion of Ukraine. “This is an important song to me, and when President Vladmir Putin’s Public Affairs Office called me and told me to write it or they’d poison […]
Reprinted from our sister publication, Dùffle Bløg Europe By Cobré Commandreé BRUSSELS — Archdukes across Europe are beefing up their security details following a full-scale Russian attack on Ukraine. “We’ve seen this picture show before, ahem,” claimed Archduke Peter Von Fishburn-Waldrop III, of County Hampshire, as he took snuff. “Whenever a world war is about […]
By As for Class Fort Bragg, NC — Col. Curtis Pringles has one of the most unique formations across the military, deployed to all corners of the globe conducting all manner of special operations fulfilling sensitive competition lines of effort, and potentially facing down Putin himself. Despite the heavy burden of Pringles’ command, sources confirm […]
By Cobra Commander FORT BENNING, Ga. — Ranger School will offer a remote learning option for Army Reservists and National Guardsman, announced Col. Antwan L. Dunmyer, commander of the Airborne and Ranger Training Brigade (ARTB). “We understand the strain it puts on reserve component units to send their soldiers here for two months at a […]
By As for Class FORT BRAGG, NC — Sgt. Vincent “The Fin” Flosser has long regaled his squad with his ambitions to leave the service for a life he would, “totally own.” However, such a move is unlikely due to his inability to function in his current position. The Fin is currently hampered by the […]