Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
By Blondes Over Bagdad PENTAGON — A panel of Pentagon leadership met Tuesday to discuss the problem of an ongoing real war in Europe that is distracting from a possible war with China. “There’s a lot of noise out there,” said Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin. “The important thing to focus on is that there’s […]
By W.E. Linde PALMDALE, CA – In light of recent, high-profile images of Ukrainian farmers towing away Russian armored vehicles, aerospace company Lockheed Martin today announced “the future of farming and national defense” as they unveiled a hastily designed “stealth tractor.” “Lockheed Martin attained our position at the forefront of national security technology by being […]
By Blondes Over Bagdad It’s Women’s History Month, the one time of year that the military somehow how finds enough women’s history to fluff out to fill up an entire month of social media content about badass ladies who leaned in. Want to learn more about some of these awesome ladies? Check out a few […]
By Taskforce Football Bat THE PENTAGON — Sources close to the Joint Chiefs have confirmed that an elite team of military logisticians plans to send the U.S. military’s most revolting meals, ready-to-eat, or ‘MREs,’ disguised in Chinse packaging to Russian troops. “This is psychological warfare. We’re talking about shit that people won’t even eat at […]
By Cat Astronaut As Ukrainian forces put up a stronger defense than expected against an ongoing Russian onslaught, Pentagon officials have urged Ukrainians to hold the line at least until the U.S. Defense Department’s fiscal year 2023 budget is approved. “People of Ukraine, the fate of the Pentagon’s FY23 budget is in your hands, and […]
By Zoltar the Malignant KYIV, Ukraine — The Kremlin has sent hundreds of paid mercenaries into Ukraine with orders to “get moose and squirrel,” according to news reports. The Wagner Group, a bloodthirsty Russian private military company under the thumb of President Vladimir Putin, has flown more than 400 hired guns into Ukraine in recent […]
By Cobra Commander WASHINGTON D.C. — President Joe Biden abruptly excused himself from a Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA) decision brief on Monday morning to call his grandkids from the hallway to ask what cyber-measures should be employed against Russia, sources confirmed today. “Hey, Natalie, how’s it going? How’s soccer going? Yeah, that’s really swell, listen, […]
By Bull Winkle MOSCOW — Russian President Vladimir Putin has named retired Army Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn as National Security Advisor for the new Donetsk People’s Republic. Putin said the appointment responded to requests from “somebody, probably a lot” of Donetsk citizens and that “it does not break any international laws that matter.” Putin described […]
By RED Friday ATLANTIC CITY, NJ — John Taylor, who says he was going to join the military but something came up, says he’s just about to go fight in Ukraine, too. “Yeah man I’m all set up with a group of volunteers to go kick some ass over there, we’re going to head out […]
By W.E. Linde MOSCOW — Russian President Vladimir Putin today offered an unexpected olive branch to his Ukrainian counterpart, President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, by inviting him to meet for peace talks “and to drink some very delicious tea. For friendship.” “President Zelenskyy has shown surprising courage in resisting my demands,” Putin said during an interview with […]