Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. — Following the passage of a new law in Tennessee criminalizing homeless camps on public land, authorities on Wednesday raided and arrested an infantry platoon inhabiting a patrol base in the woods of Fort Campbell, which overlaps the border between Tennessee and Kentucky. “We received numerous reports of a gathering of 40 to […]
By Slab Squatthrust PHILADELPHIA — The U.S. Coast Guard on Monday commissioned the USCGC Ashton Kutcher (WCC 1256) at Penn’s Landing in honor of the actor who played a Coast Guard rescue swimmer in the film The Guardian. Adm. Linda Fagan, the commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard, presided over the ceremony and invited Mr. […]
Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images By Bad Lawyer In an unprecedented move, the Navy announced today it would relieve itself of command due to a loss of trust and confidence. “After firing over 750 officers and chiefs in the last month, it has become abundantly clear we lack the required sound decision-making skills to maintain […]
By W.E. Linde Colorado Springs, CO — Step aside, Maverick! Buzz Lightyear is hitting movie theaters, and as it sweeps across the land, the U.S. Space Force will be there with him. The latest animated film by Disney and Pixar is expected to be a blockbuster, and there are arguably none more excited about it […]
Photo by Eva Blue on Unsplash By Grumpy A pleasant and informative Command and General Staff College two-day “staff ride” to the Gettysburg National Battlefield came to a sad end Sunday after trip leaders were forced to cancel a planned ice cream treat to wrap up the visit. “The battlefield study was going fine until […]
Photo by Chris Curry on Unsplash By Blondes Over Baghdad FORT BRAGG, N.C. —Spc. Harris P. Niss, a generator mechanic with the 82nd Airborne Division, realized his best artistic work was behind him and dropped his sharpie marker mid-nutsuck while sketching out his 69th dick on a latrine wall at an exercise at range 39 today. […]
Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash By Addison Blu THE PENTAGON — With so many Thoughts and Prayers being sent to the victims and families of near-weekly mass shootings in the United States, The Troops are now suffering a shortage of their most valuable commodity, sources confirmed today. “When we ran out of Thoughts and […]
By W.E. Linde PENTAGON — As part of an overall effort to better align military capabilities with European allies, the United States today announced that the Pentagon will direct PTSD-affected military personnel, both current and future, to move away from the current U.S.-standard 1000-yard stare and instead adopt the NATO 1000-meter stare for troops that […]
By Your Pissed Off Subordinate My leave was denied for the third training weekend in a row? Understood, sir. Can you please sign this quarterly awards package I submitted to you two quarters ago? Sir. I appreciate you taking the time to counsel me on email etiquette. Sir. I don’t know what I would do […]
By Blondes Over Baghdad THE PENTAGON — Marine Gen. David H. Berger announced that as an incentive to complete the Commandant’s Professional Reading List, each Marine who reads a book off the list will be awarded a Reading Award Certificate redeemable for a free one-topping personal pan pizza. “Reading is foundational,” Berger told reporters. “Did […]