Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
Somebody ‘bout to get paid. Our legal team visits every recruiting event to make sure we get a piece of the pie if your child has been abused by military recruiting practices. (Source: DVIDS 265450 and that strip mall lawyer you’ve seen on local TV) STRIP MALL LAW OFFICE NEXT TO THE RECRUITING STATION, Your […]
Cdr. Topper in less restrained days. NAVY SUBMARINE BASE KING’S BAY, GA — The Navy is seeking a ball gag order for Cdr. Dominic Topper, the former commanding officer of the Ohio-class submarine USS George Santos in the wake of accusations of multiple felonies and violations of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. The crimes […]
A Navy officer gazes upon the freshly painted hull of the new Despair-class USS Helmand Province NORFOLK, Va. — Fresh from announcing the name of the Navy’s next amphibious assault ship, Navy Secretary Carlos Del Toro surprised sailors at Naval Station Norfolk by revealing additional vessels for the planned Despair-class of surface combatants. “I know […]
The USS Al Gore has reached speeds up to 4 knots in testing ANNAPOLIS, MD — The United States Navy is currently testing aircraft carriers powered solely by wind turbines announced Secretary of the Navy Carlos Del Toro during a recent appearance at the US Naval Academy. The Secretary proudly spoke to the Midshipmen about […]
NEW YORK, NY and GAZA – Confusion reigned Friday when members of the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) and the New York Police Department (NYPD) found themselves hilariously misplaced after IDF Chief of Staff Herz Halevi and New York Police Commissioner Edward Caban simultaneously uttered the words, “I’d like to be you for a day!” Geared […]
Works on a Jeep or as a political statement by a theoretically apolitical lifetime appointee SCOTT AIR FORCE BASE, Ill. — A senior officer flew a U.S. flag upside down yesterday at Air Force’s cargo movement headquarters to protest the cost of golfing on base, sources confirm. Citing congressional direction, Special Assistant Protocol Officer Col. […]
That is pretty badass, whoever you are. SCATTERED ACROSS A MOUNTAINSIDE, EAST AZERBAIJAN PROVINCE, IRAN — Following the fatal crash of a helicopter carrying Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi and several other senior Iranian officials, Interior Minister Ahmad Vahidi charged international Jewry with using a new weapon of mass destruction to cause the mishap. “We were […]
“Look at this guy. Gen. Stephen N. Whiting. Is he the commander of Space Force or Space Command? I don’t even know if he lives on base; I’ve never seen him around housing. Maybe he lives on the moon?” COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. – Dear Diary: What the hell? I get in here on oh-five February […]
A Marine fires a 3M salute SAINT PAUL, Minn. — Experts at an ear protection symposium held at 3M’s corporate headquarters last week unanimously agreed “The Sound of Freedom” is tinnitus, sources confirm. Chairman and chief executive officer Mike Roman used his keynote speech to introduce the experts behind an explosive 3M-funded report titled, “No […]
It’s not us, it’s you NATIONWIDE, America — In a heartrending turn of events reminiscent of a disillusioned spouse in a loveless marriage, Applebee’s has confessed to losing its affection for the military, citing years of debauchery and unrequited love as the main culprits. “Oh, sure. Twice a year we get all worked up and […]