Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
Wilcox plans to eliminate the bulldozer to “optimize soldier fitness” FORT LIBERTY, N.C. — Following reports that base garbage bins at Fort Liberty were overflowing with uncollected trash, garrison commander Col. John Wilcox announced a groundbreaking new program that he promised would solve the garbage problem in no time. “I’m amazed no one’s thought of […]
DEI run amok? ARLINGTON, Va. — Current difficulties meeting recruitment goals are driving the Navy to overcome recruitment challenges with an aggressive and creative new plan: lowering standards for foreign spies and implementing a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy regarding asking applicants’ pesky questions regarding citizenship and foreign ties. Secretary of the Navy Carlos Del […]
FORT LIBERTY, N.C. — Army Maj. Jonathan Dewnot, a man spoken of in the hallways of Fort Liberty with a mixture of dread and shock, has officially announced his anticipation of ascending to the esteemed rank of Toxic Lieutenant Colonel. Known for his “unique” leadership style that many liken to drinking bleach for motivation, Dewnot […]
Welcome to eternity. Submit comments in Issue/Discussion/Recommendation format. WRIGHT-PATTERSON AIR FORCE BASE, OH. – As excitement builds across the United States for the upcoming total eclipse, joint US military units at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base have been busily setting up ominous “gate-shaped” structures covered in what appear to be ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics. The structures, surrounded […]
Obviously a false flag operation designed to make Russia look bad. MOSCOW— Newly re-elected Russian president, Vladimir Putin has offered his sympathy and support to the city of Baltimore following what he called a “brazen attack by the Nazi Ukraine government” on the Francis Scott Key Bridge. The recent bridge collapsed after a cargo ship […]
WASHINGTON, DC — Hot on the heels of their previous controversial decision striking down the progressive Army tattoo policy, the Supreme Court has shaken the Department of Defense to its very core by declaring that enlisted members are ‘people’. Writing for the majority, Chief Justice Roberts said, “While it leaves a bad taste in my […]
Cereal: It’s what’s for dinner. In a groundbreaking response to the ongoing criticism surrounding its handling of soldier nutrition and financial allowances for food, the U.S. Army has proudly announced the launch of its innovative “Cereal for Dinner” DFAC Program. The initiative will “provide a cost-effective and crunchy solution to the dietary dilemmas faced by […]
It’s like this one, but not this one. ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY, Va. — Secretaries of the military branches presided over a ceremony this morning to dedicate a statue of interracial gay troops kissing where a confederate statue once stood, sources confirm. A large crowd wearing rainbow attire cheered as Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin, Army […]
I develop junior officers and mold my Sailors. SAN DIEGO, Ca. — A Navy Chief Petty Officer faces punishment for uncommon and uncharacteristic behavior. Shocking subordinates, peers, and seniors alike, Chief Eduard Valencia-Marasigan was reported for excessive transparency, dignified comportment, and an unusually high standard of mentorship as it concerns naval officers, his peers, and […]
Innovative, paradigm-breaking thinking. THE PENTAGON – As the US military continues to struggle with lagging recruiting efforts, the Army has announced ambitious plans to fill their ranks using a program that “am lower standards more” to attract “more recruit[s].” According to a press release from the Pentagon, the “Join Army, Bro!” campaign is aimed at those […]