Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
FORT RILEY, Kan. — Fuck! You left your stupid I.D. card in your stupid computer. Experts confirm this will now cost you the rest of your day. You’ll have to walk all the way back upstairs to get the damned thing out of your office. Oh great, there’s the XO. Don’t make eye contact. You […]
WASHINGTON — The Eisenhower School of National Security and Resource Strategy announced this week that it has launched a new course for senior leaders titled Strategic Gaslighting: Shaping Reality Through Passive-Aggressive Command Presence. The program is spearheaded by retired Lt. Gen. Duane Gamble, who first introduced himself by appearing unannounced in the middle of a […]
PALM BEACH, Fla. – Sources say the decision to launch a daring predawn raid to capture Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro was tied to something the Secretary of Defense holds near and dear to his heart: height and weight standards. “I am fucking tired of looking out across the globe and seeing fat dictators and world leaders!” […]
WASHINGTON — The Trump administration still hasn't released all of the Epstein files as required by law, and is instead exploring more kinetic ways to distract public attention from this uncomfortable fact, sources confirmed today. “And we all know the best way to divert attention from domestic problems is to bomb people with funny-sounding names […]
NEW YORK — Sources confirmed Friday that former Venezuelan “president” and overall central-casting villain Nicolás Maduro will return in the forthcoming Avengers: Doomsday in 2026, despite his current predicament and lack of superpowers. “I’m seeing this as the story of the ultimate anti-hero,” said Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige. “We brought back Robert Downey Jr. […]
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has added his own name to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, sources confirmed today. Panel 61E was removed from the wall and replaced with a polished granite panel reading “TRUMP” in gold letters, making him the first living person to commemorate himself for a war he did not fight in. “It’s […]
Why can’t people just have fun with war? A bunch of wimpy asses are already whining that the U.S. is entering a “war for oil” in Venezuela that will end badly, just like Operations Desert Storm and Iraqi Freedom, which were total fun, by the way. The snivelers can suck it, though, because the Trump […]
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has offered to pardon Venezuelan strongman Nicolás Maduro in exchange for three kilos of cocaine, sources confirmed today. “Look, just gimme the good stuff,” Trump was overheard pleading with the former dictator behind closed doors. “I can make all of this go away if you hand it over. You saw […]
FT. MEADE, Md. — Across the Department of Defense this week, functional military websites will be undergoing their annual update to make them worse, sources confirmed today. “Our websites and cyber infrastructure are at a point where they work and you can use them to do your job,” Lt. Gen. William J. Hartman, acting commander […]
WASHINGTON — A U.S. drone-launched missile strike has eliminated a notorious flying "narco-terrorist" responsible for millions of annual home invasions dating back to the nineteenth century, sources confirmed today. Navy pilots assigned to Joint Task Force Hammer — and Everything Looks Like a Nail (JTFH-ELLN) positively identified the “narco kingpin” as he flew an unregistered […]