Category: UNSATegorized

For d-bags that can’t get it right…

Army announces double deep-fried jalapeño cheese ravioli burrito MRE


NATICK, Mass. — Army leaders have announced their next line of meals, ready to eat (MRE) will be four times the size of a regular meal and feature new items such as a double deep-fried jalapeño cheese ravioli burrito, sources confirmed today. The announcement of MRE #38, which has already been dubbed a “Mega MRE,” […]

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UN plan to invade America postponed for 26th year in a row


NEW YORK — The United Nations’ Department of Peacekeeping Operations (DPKO) has quietly announced the postponement of its planned invasion of the United States for the 26th year in a row, sources confirmed today. “We’ve suffered another setback, unfortunately,” said Jean-Pierre Lacroix, under-secretary General for Peacekeeping Operations, to a small group of reporters atop the […]

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Outgoing Specialist holds change of co-sham ceremony


FORT POLK, La. – Outgoing Specialist Tyrone Miller held a stirring and widely attended Change of Co-Sham ceremony at the smoke pit next to the North Fort Troop Store Monday, sources close to Miller report. “I want you all to remember not only what we did during my time here, but what we avoided doing […]

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Opinion: Is there someone with a little more experience who could draw my blood?


An Op-Ed by Marine Staff Sgt. Frank Juarez, while awaiting his bi-annual HIV blood draw. Listen, HN3 Jones. I’m not trying to tell you how to do your job, but I can see your hands are shaking a bit as you’re preparing that needle and supplies to draw my blood. How about you take a […]

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Air Force Combat Controller shares the best method for clearing a room filled with insurgents


Got a room or building filled with insurgents right in front of you and need to clear it? An Air Force combat controller knows the best way forward. As an elite special operations airman skilled in the art of call for fire and precision air strikes, here is step-by-step guide. 1. Identify the number of […]

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Pentagon says Taliban can just have Ghazni, we didn’t want it anyway


PENTAGON — Pentagon officials say the Taliban can just have the city of Ghazni in Afghanistan since the U.S. military didn’t really want it anyway, sources confirmed today. Days after the Taliban launched a major assault on the city of about 280,000 people, senior defense officials downplayed its significance in the overall South Asia Strategy. […]

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