Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
SAN DIEGO — Marine Cpl. Alexander Robinson passed away early Saturday after a suitable donor could not be found for a pair-of-socks transplant, sources confirmed today. Robinson first checked in to Naval Hospital Camp Pendleton Tuesday morning after suffering a severe ankle sprain during his unit’s annual combat fitness test, officials said. Doctors immediately placed […]
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Not every soldier is as lucky as Pvt. Jesse Butler, who just signed his enlistment papers on his 17th birthday and will get the opportunity to fight in the same war that the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks inspired. Although Butler came into the world on a terrible day in U.S. history, […]
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Army Maj. Greg Jordan, a twice-divorced functional alcoholic serving as the executive officer of the 39th Special Troops Battalion, is really looking forward to mentoring the two new high-functioning Captains assigned to the unit, sources confirmed today. “I’ve been watching them, trying to make a careful consideration of where I can […]
Each year, the Girl Scouts of America donates thousands of boxes of their delicious signature Girl Scout cookies to thousands of America’s men and women in uniform deployed overseas. Whether you’re waiting for the Girl Scout cookie load-in before your ship leaves port or hoping for a box of Tagalongs to show up at your […]
NASHVILLE — The Seamons family wanted nothing more than their father to return from his one-year deployment to Bahrain, but in keeping with the ongoing trend of emotionally manipulating your children for social media gain, Air Force Senior Master Sgt. Bill Seamons delivered a coffin to the front door of his residence and hid inside […]
BEAVERTON, Ore. — Nike has issued a public apology to the military community after creating an advertisement featuring the text “Believe in something. Even if it means sacrificing everything,” over a picture of a football player who is not a military veteran, sources confirmed today. “We completely forgot that the only sacrifice that means anything […]
WASHINGTON — An innovative new veteran’s non-profit is using private donations and support from several national airlines to reunite veterans with the shady shit they did in the past in their final days, sources confirmed today. The program, called Dishonor Flight, has now helped more than 200 World War II veterans get back to the […]
KABUL — Senior Afghan and American commanders are celebrating following a ribbon-cutting ceremony to open the Afghanistan National Army’s Corruption Center of Excellence, sources confirmed today. The Center, which will offer anywhere between one week to six months of course-work to soldiers depending on how much they bribe military officials, is being hailed as an […]
WASHINGTON — The director of the Defense Advanced Research Project Agency announced today the agency would be ending its pro bono research and development relationship with Google and other Silicon Valley tech firms. Founded in 1958, DARPA spent decades conducting cutting edge research for the most difficult problems faced by the military, while working on […]