Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
YOKOSUKA, Japan — U.S. Navy Commander Jeremy Fogelson is the guy to call when it comes to a nuclear reactor core meltdown. But when it comes to love, ladies are looking elsewhere. Fogelson is still single even after multiple tours in Japan, temporary duty trips to the Philippines, and four voluntary individual augmentee assignments in […]
CAMP HANSEN, Okinawa — Hospitalman First Class Robert F. Kennedy was recently made the leading petty officer of the currently deployed Battalion Aid Station for the Second Battalion, Seventh Marine Regiment. It’s a move he has long desired but does not come without controversy. “I am making Havoc healthy again,” says Kennedy, the son of […]
WASHINGTON — In the middle of the night on Jan. 29, a terrible aviation accident occurred when an Army Blackhawk helicopter collided with a regional airliner, killing everyone onboard both aircraft. After such a horrific tragedy, citizens across the United States have many questions: how did this happen? What went wrong? These are best left […]
WASHINGTON — Benevolence and compassion won the day as the Pentagon announced that the United States Space Force will be allowed to sleep indoors tonight due to the unusually cold weather gripping much of the country by the balls. The decision comes as temperatures across the nation plunge to record lows, and meteorologists warn of […]
Photo credit: Rita Willaert NEW PYONGYANG, UKRAINE — In a surprising turn of events, a North Korean soldier’s first experience with a Sharpie has led to an unexpected existential and simultaneously predictable outcome. Upon being handed the magic marker, Private Kim Lee Park immediately drew a highly detailed and impressively veiny penis. Share “I was […]
WASHINGTON — In its efforts to identify and eliminate waste in the federal government, the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) announced today that it could not physically locate a single chief warrant officer to fire. “We’ve been told that chief warrant officers were among the most inefficient of all government employees,” said DOGE department head […]
THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense has been feverishly brainstorming and implementing increasingly “woke” initiatives in a desperate bid to keep Fox News contributor, non-profit mismanager, and potential insider threat Pete Hegseth perpetually busy as the new Pentagon leader. The goal? To provide Hegseth with a never-ending stream of content to rail against, ensuring […]
MAR-A-LAGO, Fla. — Tesla founder Elon Musk announced on Monday that Donald Trump will serve as commander-in-chief for the next four years, describing the decision as a “logical step forward for democracy—or at least what’s left of it after we’re done.” The announcement is the latest in a series of moves Musk has made on […]
WASHINGTON — Pete Hegseth began his confirmation hearing this week for Defense Secretary with effusive support from Senators Markwayne “Fists of Fury” Mullin and Tommy “Don’t forget he coached Auburn” as well as heated questions from Senators Tammy Duckworth, Tim “Not Walz” Kaine. Yet Hegseth handled the questioning ably by asserting that he was “not […]
THE PENTAGON — Weeks after a Navy F/A-18F Super Hornet was shot down in a friendly fire incident, the Chief of Naval Operations directed all fighter jets to be outfitted with reflective belts, effective immediately. Bypassing the standard safety investigation in favor of swift action, CNO Adm. Lisa Franchetti announced the new measure yesterday. Share […]