Category: UNSATegorized

For d-bags that can’t get it right…

STDs get tested for sailors


PHUKET, Thailand — Sexually transmitted diseases have been racing to nearby clinics to get checked for sailors in an effort to curb a spate of recent outbreaks, sources confirmed today. The outbreaks come after a group of U.S. Navy ships made a stop at a port in Thailand and released sailors out into the public, […]

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The untold story behind the name of the US Army Special Operations Command


The following is an excerpt from the personal journal of Lt. Gen. William Yarbrough (1912-2013), reprinted by Duffel Blog with permission from the Green Beret Association. So here it was, June of 1998, and the Pentagon made the decision that they wanted all the Army Special Operations components under one unit umbrella. They had pretty much […]

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Pentagon worries that plunging morale might affect morale


Nevertheless, many service members remain skeptical that conditions will improve anytime soon.

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Opinion: Marines on steroids are all the rage right now. Seriously. Please send help


CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. – If anyone is reading this, I am locked in the bathroom of the gym closest to headquarters. I don’t know exactly how it happened, but every Marine in this place suddenly just started raging the fuck out, and I’m afraid for my life. I was pretty sure half these guys were […]

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Retiring Sergeant Major convinced he was medieval Japanese Samurai in previous life


FORT HOOD, Texas — An Army sergeant major months from retiring after more than 30 years of service is pretty sure he was a Japanese samurai in a previous life, sources confirmed today. “You know, I can really identify with the Samurai mindset,” sources say Sgt. Maj. Joshua Thomas, an overweight 48-year-old father of four, […]

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‘I still like beer’ says soldier at 2nd DUI hearing


CLINTON, Okla. — A National Guard soldier is not backing down in local court about his love for hops, sources confirmed today. Oklahoma National Guardsman Spc. Demond Dowski appeared before a judge after his second DUI charge in the past 13 months. Dowski was appointed a public defender, saying he could not afford an attorney. “I […]

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First MRE eaten in war in Afghanistan finally pooped out


JACKSON, Mo. — After more than 17 years inside a retired Special Forces soldier’s colon, the first Meals Ready-to-Eat consumed during the war in Afghanistan was pooped out this week, sources confirmed today. 1st Sgt. Jeff Donegan (Ret.) says he ate the beef ravioli MRE during the initial invasion of Afghanistan in October 2001. “I […]

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Now 17, Afghan War still pissed it never had quinceañera


KABUL — The Afghanistan War is complaining to anyone who will listen about never having a quinceañera to recognize its ever-advancing age as it celebrates its 17th birthday, sources confirmed today. A quinceañera is a significant, sometimes spectacular celebration which recognizes maturity, usually held for a 15th birthday. Two years past that mark, the Afghanistan […]

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Mattis thankful envelopes contained ricin instead of MRE Charms


“It’s just a flashback I never wanted to have.”

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Space Force seeking applications for transfer to mobile infantry


It’s called the “Cross Into the Black” initiative.

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