Hangin' on Posco Pier!
For d-bags that can’t get it right…
PANAMA CITY, Panama — A Virginia-based U.S. Coast Guard crew recently became a helping hand for an adorable sea creature needing help. The USCG Cutter Bear’s crew was on routine patrol in the eastern Pacific Ocean when they spotted a fully-grown Navy SEAL entangled in a mass of lines, garbage and abandoned GovX gear, sources […]
WASHINGTON — The Air Force announced today that it would no longer require recruits to become baptized Christians in order to graduate basic training following yet another bout of criticism over bias from Air Force leaders who identify as evangelicals. Secretary of the Air Force Heather Wilson addressed the change in policy in a press conference at […]
WEST POINT, N.Y. – From the moment he stepped onto, as he calls it, Apron 9 ¾, West Point Fourth Classman Blaise Boodlesworthy has been waiting for the end of beast barracks when he heard the cadets will gather in Eisenhower Hall under the watchful portraits of many headmaster generals to be sorted in their […]
You’ve been asking for it, and now its here. The Duffel Blog has finally become part of the grind, and we are proud to introduce our own CrossFit hero line-up. These routines are named after military members who died performing CrossFit at their local boxes. The workouts of the day (WODs) are the very workouts […]
CAMP COURTNEY, Okinawa — Retiring Headquarters Battalion Sgt. Maj. Joe Perkins expressed outrage and disgust on the hallowed literary digest LinkedIn over the lack of high-pay, high-power jobs available for veterans with no discernible skills aside from interrupting loudly and expressing themselves incoherently, sources confirmed today. Perkins elaborated to reporters on the lack for opportunity for “real […]
KANDAHAR, Afghanistan — An Afghan bodyguard seems like “a real straight-shooter,” sources reported today, adding that the professional guardian’s steely-eyed, thousand-yard stare brings a tide of warmth and comfort to the officials he protects. Khalil Rahmati, a Kandahar native, was recently appointed to the security detail of Lt. Gen. Omar Abboud, a critical figure in […]
CORONADO, Calif. – A local Navy SEAL has found himself in hot water with others in the special warfare community after he passed a recent drug test, officials confirmed today. Chief Petty Officer Special Warfare Operator Kyle McCleary, a 15-year veteran of the SEALs, was ordered to take the urinalysis as part of a Navy-wide […]
BOSTON — Massachusetts Democratic Sen. Dickard Rosenthal has released the results of genetic testing to add legitimacy to his claim that he is “basically a veteran” and “should be treated as such”. The DNA test shows that he has a distant grandparent that may have possibly fought in the Thirty Years War, the French Revolution, […]
AFGHANISTAN — The Taliban insurgency, internationally known for waging a brutal nearly two decade war with the U.S., announced they would be suspending all combat operations until pop singer Ariana Grande got back together with recently separated boyfriend Pete Davidson, sources confirmed today “I don’t know how we can be expected to work under these […]
FORT LEONARD WOOD, Mo. – Army Sgt. Pennyworth Montgomery’s notably complex steampunk top hat sprung a class III leak in the middle of morning formation, sources confirmed today. “I noticed it immediately,” said Spc. Christie Jones. “One moment the steam whistle puffed away gentle bursts of vapor to release pressure. In the next, there was clear […]