Hangin' on Posco Pier!
Editor’s note: This is an opinion piece by Bradley K. Morrow, a Marine Corps veteran whose interests include security theory, gym culture, online patriotism, and constitutional law. Since the shooting of Alex Pretti, I’ve been getting lots of questions about the “Come and Take Them” tattoo on my forearm, and I want to make something […]
AUSTIN, Texas — Penetrating Lead, a T-shirt company catering to the vetbro community, has unveiled a new line of “Shall Be Infringed” shirts, sources confirmed today. The new shirts, which retail for $24.99 plus shipping, handling, and a quiet erosion of principles, feature illustrations of men kneeling and presenting their firearms beneath the phrase “Shall […]
SAN DIEGO, Calif. — Navy Information Systems Technician Chief Toby “Tobasco” McElhenny has been in the Navy for over 14 years, and in that time has accumulated plenty of résumé-friendly accomplishments: meeting three former presidents, visiting six continents, mentoring countless division officers, and being named Sailor of the Year twice. But McElhenny rarely mentions any […]
DAVOS, Switzerland — President Donald Trump on Wednesday used his recently-acquired Nobel Peace Prize to bludgeon the prime minister of Denmark to death, sources confirmed today. The killing occurred during a highly contentious meeting over the fate of Greenland between dozens of world leaders at the World Economic Forum in Davos, where the 79-year-old president […]
FORT RILEY, Kan. — Fuck! You left your stupid I.D. card in your stupid computer. Experts confirm this will now cost you the rest of your day. You’ll have to walk all the way back upstairs to get the damned thing out of your office. Oh great, there’s the XO. Don’t make eye contact. You […]
WASHINGTON — The Eisenhower School of National Security and Resource Strategy announced this week that it has launched a new course for senior leaders titled Strategic Gaslighting: Shaping Reality Through Passive-Aggressive Command Presence. The program is spearheaded by retired Lt. Gen. Duane Gamble, who first introduced himself by appearing unannounced in the middle of a […]
PALM BEACH, Fla. – Sources say the decision to launch a daring predawn raid to capture Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro was tied to something the Secretary of Defense holds near and dear to his heart: height and weight standards. “I am fucking tired of looking out across the globe and seeing fat dictators and world leaders!” […]
WASHINGTON — The Trump administration still hasn't released all of the Epstein files as required by law, and is instead exploring more kinetic ways to distract public attention from this uncomfortable fact, sources confirmed today. “And we all know the best way to divert attention from domestic problems is to bomb people with funny-sounding names […]
NEW YORK — Sources confirmed Friday that former Venezuelan “president” and overall central-casting villain Nicolás Maduro will return in the forthcoming Avengers: Doomsday in 2026, despite his current predicament and lack of superpowers. “I’m seeing this as the story of the ultimate anti-hero,” said Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige. “We brought back Robert Downey Jr. […]
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has added his own name to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, sources confirmed today. Panel 61E was removed from the wall and replaced with a polished granite panel reading “TRUMP” in gold letters, making him the first living person to commemorate himself for a war he did not fight in. “It’s […]