Hangin' on Posco Pier!
CLAM GULCH, Alaska — U.S. Northern Command officials today broke ground on a new, high-security defense facility gently nestled between the mountainous lips that comprise the township of Clam Gulch. Designated the Coital Underground Magazine-Special Operations Command, the facility is intended as a hedge against the potential loss of access to a vital strategic asset […]
WASHINGTON — The Department of Defense announced today that Fort Campbell has been renamed “Campbell’s® Fort” after striking a lucrative branding deal with the Campbell’s Soup Company. “Nothing screams military tradition like a can of lukewarm tomato sludge,” said Maj. Gen. Brett Sylvia, the base commander. “Now, I know morale is low. I know the […]
WASHINGTON — In an effort to root out and eliminate Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) efforts, the Department of Defense announced that it would no longer treat black mold found in military facilities, sources confirmed today. “Mold shouldn’t get treated any differently just because it’s black,” Secretary of Defense Pete “29 and counting” Hegseth said […]
THE PENTAGON — Following the revelation that he had illegally shared classified information on a Signal group chat which included a journalist, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth vowed to punish himself with a program of self-remediation to prevent future unauthorized disclosures of classified material, sources confirmed today. Share “Accountability has been my watchword from day […]
(TOP SECRET//SCI//REL: Signal) Share TEAM: 🇷🇺 💣 🇺🇦 👶 🇺🇸 💸 🇺🇦 👶 🇺🇸 😭 🇺🇦 🚫 🙏 🙏 👶 🇺🇸 🤥 🤥 🤥 🇷🇺 😄 🇺🇦 😭 🇬🇧 😭 🇫🇷 😭 🌎 🤯 👶 🇺🇸 💣 👳🏿♂️ 👳🏽♂️ 👳🏻♂️ 👶 💬 💬 💬 💥 🇷🇺 😄 🇨🇳 😄 V/R, Mike Waltz National Security Advisor […]