Hangin' on Posco Pier!
THE PENTAGON – In a groundbreaking move to streamline inefficiency, the Department of Defense has announced the creation of the Task Force of Task Forces (TFTF), a specialized unit built entirely of task forces dedicated solely to establishing additional task forces. Share “We realized that every issue, no matter how small, was being assigned its […]
By Bernard Buttersquash BUCHA, Ukraine — Following Vice President JD Vance’s aggressive criticism of Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, Satan has expressed his first public doubts about the agreement that brought Vance to President Trump’s side. Reached for comment while “decompressing” in a partially burned farmhouse in Bucha, the Dark Lord emphasized that while he was excited […]
WASHINGTON — Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth came out of the gate strong in February. First, he told Ukraine “fat fucking chance” of regaining their Russian-occupied sovereign territory or joining NATO. Then, when offered a chance to continue leading the world in defending against authoritarianism, his alligator arms couldn’t reach the big nuclear deterrent in his […]
WASHINGTON — On the heels of an email from the Office of Personnel Management requiring all federal employees to send five bullet points summarizing their accomplishments from last week, defense company Leidos has been awarded a $10 billion contract to write the weekly emails for every federal employee. Share “We’ve been an industry-leading innovator in […]