Hangin' on Posco Pier!
SAN DIEGO — Ensign Salvador Santiago “Triple S Clutch” Sanchez may look like your average junior Naval officer, but he and the US Navy just made history. Sanchez, a prior-enlisted chief Gas Turbine Systems Technician-Mechanical, is the first openly-straight officer in the history of United States Naval service. “We are very proud of this milestone,” […]
YEMEN — Dozens of terrorist operatives were killed Monday in a U.S. Navy SEAL raid on a clandestine Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) cell outside of Sana’a. “We have reason to believe these terrorists were working with al-Qaeda on a number of diversity initiatives targeting major American population centers,” said Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth. […]
By Fat Ghengis THE INTERNET — Cybersecurity experts across the country are quietly commending the collective cyber awareness of the federal workforce after a blatant phishing attempt on Saturday afternoon went collectively ignored. “Aye, that jawn was hella sus [sic], for real for real,” observed Zeke “Zoomer” Cooper, 23, an engineer with the Naval Sea […]
MANASSAS NATIONAL BATTLEFIELD PARK, Va. — On a Saturday morning, mist drifts across the fields of history as crowds gather to watch the past, brought to life by a group of dedicated enthusiasts in period garb. Here attendees are transported to a memory now largely lost in the collective American consciousness: a time of violence, […]
WASHINGTON — The White House has appointed retired Army Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn as a Special Envoy to the region between Vladimir Putin’s ass cheeks, which the administration recognizes as the most critical and sensitive area for negotiations to end the Ukraine war. Share “We will not follow the old ‘woke’ diplomacy method of involving […]
WASHINGTON — After the recent confirmation of former congresswoman, cult member, opinion news contributor, and foreign asset Tulsi Gabbard as America’s next Director of National Intelligence, Duffel Blog is weighing the pros and cons of having a bona fide Russian propagandist run a critical national security function. Share Pro: This will own the libs, so […]
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Theological scholars from around the globe and across faith traditions today came together in a conference and agreed that God, in fact, hates the infantry. The conclusion contradicts millennia of consensus that God loves the infantry. According to Dr. Edmund Thatchington, head of Heavenly Interventions in Human Tragedy at Oxford University, this […]
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — In response to worries recently expressed by Canadian officers at the adjacent North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) building, a spokesman for U.S. Northern Command has assured reporters that Canada had absolutely nothing to worry about regarding a new draft Operations Plan for an invasion of the country code-named Crimson. “I […]
WASHINGTON — The newly commissioned Department of Government Efficiency has announced plans to triple veteran suicide rates in an effort officials say will cut government spending and reduce the federal deficit. DOGE, the brainchild of Elon Musk and President Donald Trump, released a list of proposals to reduce government waste, which includes eliminating VA disability […]
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has nominated the Giant Floating Pile of Trash to serve as the next commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard, the White House announced Tuesday. If confirmed, the Giant Floating Pile of Trash would be the first floating pile of garbage ever to lead a branch of the U.S. military. Share […]