Hangin' on Posco Pier!
SCHENECTADY, N.Y. — Doctors serving the nation’s Military Entrance Processing Stations (MEPS) issued a scathing indictment today about the quality of today’s recruits, carrying significant implications for a Department of Defense already struggling with recruiting. “I’ve been at MEPS for 50 years, and these are the most disappointing buttholes I’ve ever seen,” said Dr. Beauregard […]
THE PENTAGON — Despite lower-than-average annual numbers of mass shootings in the United States this year, the Department of Defense is warning that such events still have significant implications on military recruitment. “The military is missing more targets than a blind Hezbollah zealot when it comes to recruiting,” Austin said, hair visibly graying. “Looking at […]
WASHINGTON — Sgt. Roger “Patriot Eagle” Johnson, a fervent believer in freedom, liberty, and whatever’s on the dark side of YouTube, has reportedly taken his love of country to the next level: orchestrating a patriotic coup to “restore” the very government he swore to defend. Share Johnson’s passion for his nation reportedly began as a […]
WASHINGTON—The Department of Homeland Security announced today that members of the U.S. Marine Corps can use a properly deployed ‘Knife Hand’ as a valid form of identification at all federal election sites this year. “Marines may now present a Knife Hand in lieu of a state-issued ID or military Common Access Card as an exception […]