Hangin' on Posco Pier!
ARLINGTON, Va. — Uproar over former president Donald Trump’s recent campaign stop at Arlington National Cemetery has escalated following reports that he was seen “sneaking in a quick nine holes” of golf on the hallowed cemetery grounds. “This place is beautiful,” Trump declared for campaign cameramen as he jammed a tee into the soft earth […]
The following is an Op-Ed from the most important manual in the US Army. Hey, it’s me. The most important manual in the entire DoD and quite possibly the world. You know who I am. You’re coming to me if you need to break track on an M1 Abrams. Do you need to know the […]
TEHRAN, IRAN — In a dramatic and cryptic announcement, Iran’s government has declared the imminent deployment of a secret offensive weapon named “Updog” against Israel. The proclamation, made during a press conference in Tehran, was laced with bombastic rhetoric. “This is not just a weapon; it is a force of reckoning,” an Iranian spokesman told […]
WASHINGTON — When former President Donald Trump selected J.D. Vance as his running mate for Vice President, most Americans looked at his military experience as one of the core attributes that contributed to his leadership ability: Vance served as a U.S. Marine Corps combat correspondent and is a veteran of the Iraq War. However, recent survey […]
U.S. service members rat-fucking pallets of MREs before they’re air dropped to feed Gaza residents. GAZA — The United Nations has issued a scathing condemnation of what it describes as an “inhumane act” perpetrated by the United States over the recent air dropping of Menu #4 Cheese and Veggie Omelet Meals Ready-to-Eat (MREs) over the […]
WASHINGTON — Vice Presidential Candidate Tim Walz has been informed that he will face a military court-martial for “veteraning as a Democrat.” According to the Uniform Code of Military Justice Sub-Chapter 10, Section 947, Article 147, “no former military service member, in any capacity, shall be considered honorable if the service member later runs as […]
TWENTYNINE PALMS, Calif. — Marines have always looked to their leadership to set the example, and the grunts of 1st Squad, 2nd Platoon, Alpha Company, 1st Battalion, 7th Marines are no exception. Indeed, Lance Cpl. (third award) Jimmy “Dilly” Bowman of 1st Squad’s first fire team believes that it’s time for their squad leader, Sgt. […]
FORT RILEY, Kan. — Army 2nd Lt. Roger Pulanski, Bravo Company Platoon Leader, is not sure why he attended this meeting but he is sitting quietly in the battalion conference room and trying to draw minimal attention to himself, sources confirmed today. “I was told to be here at 1400, so I showed up,” reported […]
PYONGYANG — Olympic fever swept over the Hermit Kingdom faster than a winter famine this year as the nation celebrated the astonishing accomplishments of the North Korean Olympic Team in Paris. To date, the team, composed exclusively of North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un, has reportedly been awarded “all the gold medals,” according to […]
WASHINGTON — Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin has crushed the skull of 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed with his bare hands, about a week after he canceled a controversial plea agreement that offered the terrorist a sentence of life in prison without parole, sources confirmed today. Share According to senior defense officials, the 70-year-old Pentagon chief […]